I am putting up some Polish recipes for Christmas
and taking photographs of Polish Christmas Tree
Decorations that we make every Year.
I have sold some of my own brand of Hand Cream
on Amazon this year.
If you would like to know more, please leave a comment.
Silver Moon
Friday, 11 December 2009
Several years down the line now and life is still difficult, complicated and very much as it was.
Peter and Chriss, are now John and Barbara, living in a rented house after two absolute disastrous houses over 2 years and living with next to no money, or should we say trying to live.
More posts to come so watch this space regularly.
Sunday, 13 September 2009
That Heaviness Again
The moment she woke, she felt bad, really bad. There was a very deep and penetrative heaviness in her head. Her head, her brain felt as if it was stuffed with a misty nothingness, as if she had drunk lots of alcohol and was not in control of her feelings and her body.
She felt sad, really terribly sad and that there was no way forward and nowhere to go.
She was alone but at the same time she was at home surrounded by her loving family.
There appeared a heaviness, a depression amidst the love.
Everyone seemed happy that day and that made her feel even worse, even more odd, even more different. She felt an overwhelming need to go away, alone, by herself and in her loneliness she was felt even more desperate for help. How could she explain the way she felt to those loving ones around her.
How could she describe the depth and despair of her thoughts and her actions.
No, there was no way forward and she knew she was alone.
Chriss had felt like this many times before, a number of years ago happened to be the last time that she had felt this bad. She was quiet, terribly quiet the whole day and she felt her head was fuzzy, crowded and it was almost as if she was hearing voices speaking to her 'you must go, you must not stay'.
Her heart was heavy, her head was heavy and she wanted to scream out for help but she knew she could not reveal herself, that would mean too much fuss, too much attention and much worry on the part of her family, her Peter. She quietly opened the front door, leading out of the house into the other part of the garden. This area was shingled and wide, a lovely driveway for the cars and it had a beautiful old Well which at one time was used by the workhouse and the old school. She did not know how deep it was as it was all filled in now, but one day she said to herself, she will find out. She was almost part of that old world which was gone now and she felt sad it had gone, but today everything was making her sad.
Slowly she opened the double wooden gates to the lane which was lying silent in an early morning mist, she could feel the dampness of the dew in the outside air a cool dampness with a smell of damp earth and a crispness that indicated the approach of winter. There was no frost, but there may as well have been, it was definitely cold enough for frost. She realised she did not know where she was wanting to go, her head could not cope with that....so she turned to her right and walked past the kitchen windows of the cottage, there was a heavy sadness in her head and heart and she knew she was in trouble not knowing what to do about it.
Chriss walked blindly up the misty lane, feeling the dampness settling on her hands and face she could barely see ahead, but soon the sun was to break through and follow her on her lonely walk.
She wanted to go far and did not want anyone to know where she was, she just wanted to walk and walk away further and further. The more she wanted to be alone, the more she realised she was not for the birds were making the most wonderful sound in the air around her and the little sparrows were twittering in the hedge by Mary's house. The speckled black turkeys were wondering out on the lane and making sounds at her as she walked her weary way. She felt her father was with her, her mother in law her father in law, her grandmother, her nanny, her grandfather, her poppy, her Uncle Jack her Uncle Herbie. The sky was with her, the cold was there biting into her hands and the tip of her nose, the evergreens were there, the cold sunshine was there and the beautiful red brick barn which she loved so much was still there. The barn was in her dream, she often stopped on her walks to look at it and smile at its quaint ancient architecture, its art, eminating its aura of happy times and warm sunshine and cider and apple trees, laughter and gaiety.
However, today Chriss did not feel that, she took a glancing look and carried on walking past, she did not feel its aura nor the aura of the trees around her, she did not sense the pleasant birdsong nor the sun trying to shine through the mist and she saw no beauty in her world. She just felt alone. Chriss walked for miles, past the old Georgian Farmhouse with the little waterhole rather common on Norfolk land and the sweet wild pond in front of house amidst tall trees which seemed to touch the low misty sky and the ducks and geese roaming freely across the lane. The cows in the shed and the sheep out on the fields seemed to look up at her and watch her as if they could sense something from her as she walked past. A dog barked in the distance, there was no sound of traffic, as there was not a busy road within 10 miles of where she was walking.
Now the weak sun was peering through at her, through the cool mist, all white and hazy as it surrounded her.
She was sad, she was crying, she was desperately alone.
Eventually she came across a wooden edged concrete area, where the farmers usually stored their hay bales during the autumn months, bale upon bale. Her legs were tired and she sat down, her body shaking with sobs and her heart aching with sadness and depression was upon her feeling like a misty thickness inside of her head. She could not think straight, she could not think what to do, so she just sat on the wooden rail for a good 30 minutes, watching the odd car drive by as she had reached the junction of the lane with the road. 'Perhaps I could walk to Edgefield' she thought. Even people in their cars seemed to look at her as if there was something wrong, so Chriss decided she must walk somewhere more private, where she could feel comfortable being alone.
Suddenly a car came down the lane towards her and as she strained her eyes to see through the misty sunsine she gratefully noticed it was Peter. He looked concerned as he drove closer to her lonely figure on the wooden rail next to the farmers concrete storage area.
Peter drove the car to her, and parked and got out. He walked towards Chriss and reached for her hand, 'where did you go' he asked her and his eyes told Chriss that he still loved her and wanted to help her get through this awful day.
Chriss put her head on his shoulder as he sat next to her and they said nothing more to each other. Chriss was shaking and wiping her eyes, and Peter looked at her 'let's go for a drive' he said gently to her. Chriss nodded 'it is that heaviness again' she said to him in a broken voice that sounded as broken as her heart. 'I know' Peter answered 'you have me and you are never alone' he said.
Although Chriss could not take that in, she took Peter's hand and they walked back to the car.
He opened the car door for her to step in, like the gentleman he was when she first met him all those years ago. He drove through the beautiful country lanes around where they lived for an hour or more, neither of them saying a word to each other. They simply took in the beauty around them which after a while made Chriss feel it was worth living through and that they were in one of the best places possible to suffer such depression and desolation, the beauty around them told her that there was more to life she need only just look. There was a beauty and a peace to be had in the little sparrows in the hedge, the distant dog barking in the cold morning air, the misty sunshine of that winter morning and the stillness of lane. The beauty of the sight of the barn owl they saw gliding down one of the lanes ahead of them, always just a few feet or so, close enough for them to see the eyes and shape of the head and the colours of the feathers on the wings. Her heart was still broken and she knew there was more of the heaviness to come.
Years later she was to think of these times in a time of a long process of healing and realise that she was never really alone and that as long as there was beauty around her, there was also life.
Whenever she saw a Barn Owl when she was driving out in the country lanes, her mind would wonder back to the day of heaviness and the lessons she had learned then.
She felt sad, really terribly sad and that there was no way forward and nowhere to go.
She was alone but at the same time she was at home surrounded by her loving family.
There appeared a heaviness, a depression amidst the love.
Everyone seemed happy that day and that made her feel even worse, even more odd, even more different. She felt an overwhelming need to go away, alone, by herself and in her loneliness she was felt even more desperate for help. How could she explain the way she felt to those loving ones around her.
How could she describe the depth and despair of her thoughts and her actions.
No, there was no way forward and she knew she was alone.
Chriss had felt like this many times before, a number of years ago happened to be the last time that she had felt this bad. She was quiet, terribly quiet the whole day and she felt her head was fuzzy, crowded and it was almost as if she was hearing voices speaking to her 'you must go, you must not stay'.
Her heart was heavy, her head was heavy and she wanted to scream out for help but she knew she could not reveal herself, that would mean too much fuss, too much attention and much worry on the part of her family, her Peter. She quietly opened the front door, leading out of the house into the other part of the garden. This area was shingled and wide, a lovely driveway for the cars and it had a beautiful old Well which at one time was used by the workhouse and the old school. She did not know how deep it was as it was all filled in now, but one day she said to herself, she will find out. She was almost part of that old world which was gone now and she felt sad it had gone, but today everything was making her sad.
Slowly she opened the double wooden gates to the lane which was lying silent in an early morning mist, she could feel the dampness of the dew in the outside air a cool dampness with a smell of damp earth and a crispness that indicated the approach of winter. There was no frost, but there may as well have been, it was definitely cold enough for frost. She realised she did not know where she was wanting to go, her head could not cope with that....so she turned to her right and walked past the kitchen windows of the cottage, there was a heavy sadness in her head and heart and she knew she was in trouble not knowing what to do about it.
Chriss walked blindly up the misty lane, feeling the dampness settling on her hands and face she could barely see ahead, but soon the sun was to break through and follow her on her lonely walk.
She wanted to go far and did not want anyone to know where she was, she just wanted to walk and walk away further and further. The more she wanted to be alone, the more she realised she was not for the birds were making the most wonderful sound in the air around her and the little sparrows were twittering in the hedge by Mary's house. The speckled black turkeys were wondering out on the lane and making sounds at her as she walked her weary way. She felt her father was with her, her mother in law her father in law, her grandmother, her nanny, her grandfather, her poppy, her Uncle Jack her Uncle Herbie. The sky was with her, the cold was there biting into her hands and the tip of her nose, the evergreens were there, the cold sunshine was there and the beautiful red brick barn which she loved so much was still there. The barn was in her dream, she often stopped on her walks to look at it and smile at its quaint ancient architecture, its art, eminating its aura of happy times and warm sunshine and cider and apple trees, laughter and gaiety.
However, today Chriss did not feel that, she took a glancing look and carried on walking past, she did not feel its aura nor the aura of the trees around her, she did not sense the pleasant birdsong nor the sun trying to shine through the mist and she saw no beauty in her world. She just felt alone. Chriss walked for miles, past the old Georgian Farmhouse with the little waterhole rather common on Norfolk land and the sweet wild pond in front of house amidst tall trees which seemed to touch the low misty sky and the ducks and geese roaming freely across the lane. The cows in the shed and the sheep out on the fields seemed to look up at her and watch her as if they could sense something from her as she walked past. A dog barked in the distance, there was no sound of traffic, as there was not a busy road within 10 miles of where she was walking.
Now the weak sun was peering through at her, through the cool mist, all white and hazy as it surrounded her.
She was sad, she was crying, she was desperately alone.
Eventually she came across a wooden edged concrete area, where the farmers usually stored their hay bales during the autumn months, bale upon bale. Her legs were tired and she sat down, her body shaking with sobs and her heart aching with sadness and depression was upon her feeling like a misty thickness inside of her head. She could not think straight, she could not think what to do, so she just sat on the wooden rail for a good 30 minutes, watching the odd car drive by as she had reached the junction of the lane with the road. 'Perhaps I could walk to Edgefield' she thought. Even people in their cars seemed to look at her as if there was something wrong, so Chriss decided she must walk somewhere more private, where she could feel comfortable being alone.
Suddenly a car came down the lane towards her and as she strained her eyes to see through the misty sunsine she gratefully noticed it was Peter. He looked concerned as he drove closer to her lonely figure on the wooden rail next to the farmers concrete storage area.
Peter drove the car to her, and parked and got out. He walked towards Chriss and reached for her hand, 'where did you go' he asked her and his eyes told Chriss that he still loved her and wanted to help her get through this awful day.
Chriss put her head on his shoulder as he sat next to her and they said nothing more to each other. Chriss was shaking and wiping her eyes, and Peter looked at her 'let's go for a drive' he said gently to her. Chriss nodded 'it is that heaviness again' she said to him in a broken voice that sounded as broken as her heart. 'I know' Peter answered 'you have me and you are never alone' he said.
Although Chriss could not take that in, she took Peter's hand and they walked back to the car.
He opened the car door for her to step in, like the gentleman he was when she first met him all those years ago. He drove through the beautiful country lanes around where they lived for an hour or more, neither of them saying a word to each other. They simply took in the beauty around them which after a while made Chriss feel it was worth living through and that they were in one of the best places possible to suffer such depression and desolation, the beauty around them told her that there was more to life she need only just look. There was a beauty and a peace to be had in the little sparrows in the hedge, the distant dog barking in the cold morning air, the misty sunshine of that winter morning and the stillness of lane. The beauty of the sight of the barn owl they saw gliding down one of the lanes ahead of them, always just a few feet or so, close enough for them to see the eyes and shape of the head and the colours of the feathers on the wings. Her heart was still broken and she knew there was more of the heaviness to come.
Years later she was to think of these times in a time of a long process of healing and realise that she was never really alone and that as long as there was beauty around her, there was also life.
Whenever she saw a Barn Owl when she was driving out in the country lanes, her mind would wonder back to the day of heaviness and the lessons she had learned then.
when freedom comes for me
Hello all my loved ones
it's been a long, long time
weary am I from trying
often want of dying
the wind in my face
the fierce storm whirling
the icy cold dark of winter
but I carry on
walking against the blow
of winter snow
Hello my beloved,
I know that you are there
I feel you even here
watching over me
a love that is everlasting
no anger, no remorse,
no fatigue and no weakness
is in that love
unconditional
hello all my loved ones
it is not time for me to come
but I really wish to
give me strength
to go the distance
and carry on
until I am gone
and soon
will reach the silvery moon
my children with me in my arms
my loved one with me holding hands
that is where I wish to be
when I am free
at last
hello my loved ones
the time is not yet
but I know you are all there
and that you care
and that you see
my need to be free
my children with me in my arms
my loved one with me holding hands
that is where I wish to be
when freedom comes for me
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
The New Place
Chriss went to visit the new home with Peter after the house had been sold. Gilne had promised them a lovely new home in which they would not be disappointed.
During the weeks before, Chriss had woken up several times during the night wondering where they would end up, what would become of them and wished that their stay in the house would be over soon. It was becoming heartrending, to stay in her home which was no longer her home and to enjoy its surroundings which were no longer hers. She had become rather depressed and felt isolated from the rest of the family, from the world in fact. She was beginning to act strangely. Peter had found her one evening wondering around and around their half-acre garden, muttering to herself, without realising what she was doing. That particular night, Chriss rose from her bed coated with silver moonlight and walked downstairs. She looked out at the gardens and the country lane beyond. There was no sound, no light pollution, the full spectrum of the orbiting stars could be seen, the milky way. It was a lovely cool, moonlit evening and outside was still and silent, except for the gentle humming of machinery at the chicken farm a little way down the lane, a comforting sound.
Peter and Chriss were horrified when they finally visited the new home promised to them. The bungalow was not far from their old home perhaps 30 minutes walk, a few minutes drive in the car and they wished they had not come at all. The garden was ramshackle, no flowers, broken down fencing, old and decrepid. The decking was damp, old, colourless with holes where people had walked over the damp wood and ended up with their foot going through it. The outside windows were covered in cobwebs and the place looked as if it hadn't been lived in for so many years. The garden was bumpy, colourless and unattended, uncared for.
Inside, there were no carpets, no lights on the ceilings, just hanging threads of wire. The whole bungalow was dirty with rubbish, sweet wrappings and litter everywhere. Peter and Chriss held hands, they were in shock and neither could utter a word. Chriss quietly muttered 'oh my god'.
They could not believe where they had come to. Outside, at the end of the garden there were three tiny apple trees which were actually bearing fruit, Chriss gently pressed the apples which dropped off at her touch. She bent to pick the apples up, they were all different shapes and sizes and were not yet ripened, she tossed them away wishing she could toss this whole part of her life away with them.
Peter and Chriss walked home that afternoon with heavy hearts and Chriss felt an anger beginning to well up inside of her. Perhaps if they had not moved to Norfolk they would still have been living in their home in Surrey, going about their everyday business, working, sleeping, feeding, shopping, driving....but no, they had moved to Norfolk to change their lives to have a quieter life and somehow they were going to achieve this goal, this dream.
That night Peter and Chriss waited for twilight and the show they had seen so many times before from the back door of their home which opened to the vast lawned area. The stars and moon were out again, the familiar owl was hooting in the distance. Then suddenly the dark shadow of the bat swooped so close to them it forced them to step back into the shadows cast by the ancient house they were about to leave for ever. First one bat, then another followed and they swore they counted six of them altogether, swooping in the moonlight and reflected lights from inside the house on the outside lawn. What a sight and it never ceased to amaze them. It was often a family occasion just to stand in the shadows and watch the swooping bats which appeared to come so close to them as if they knew their old friends and watchers and were familiar with their presence. The bats would then flutter across the hedge where the old willow tree stood and through its branches out towards the darkness of the lane. Peter and Chriss followed them and were confronted again with a wonderful experience of the sight of the full moon a star studded blackened sky and black bats swooping at speed from out of the shadows up and down the country lane. It was one of life's magic moments and was unforgettable. The bats knew they were there and were putting on one of their finest displays for them.
The moon rose higher in the southern sky in a blackened mist studded with stars, the gentle wind blowing their hair and faces as if to tell them, they will be back and not to despair. Chriss was to despair to the detriment of her sanity and her life would never be the same again. Peter was the stronger of the two of them and as he had done, so many times in the past, was to encourage and comfort when all else was gone.
Friday, 28 August 2009
Meeting the Meister
Chriss read the letter with dread in her heart her hand shaking and an uncontrollable urge to write back to the writer deeply penetrated her being - a chance to stand up for herself - an opportunity to dignify herself. She read the words again and again '...how someone like you could have destroyed such a thriving business in such a short time....' the words really wryled her.
'...how badly you treated your staff....how rude you have been to the parents...' and '...just because you had another school doesn't mean you know what you are doing...' and so on.
After sitting with a heavy heart and reddened eyes at the kitchen table Chriss decided upon a plan of action. She won't bother with answering the letter, she wouldn't give the writer that pleasure, she would simply burn it and blow it to the wind.
Taking the letter she tore it to shreds and set it alight in the kitchen sink, with matches. Hurriedly she gathered the ashes and as if they were poison she lifted them in her hands, anxious to rid them from her home. She walked out of the back door, through the back gate and into the lane. No one was around then and she threw them into the windy air saying 'Be gone from me'. Some of the ashes landed on top of the hedge, Chriss had noticed and Chriss wondered whether she was going mad. It felt good though and she did feel as if her little ceremony had recreated something good from the ashes. She felt the return of dignity and the return of confidence and she felt ready to face the storm that was surely to come.
A few months ago, a psychic had told her 'there have been many tears and you have faced the storm, you have been blown back by the winds, but you have been walking into the storm, you have strength that you didn't know was there.'
This is exactly how Chriss felt, her long dark hair blowing behind her, the wind blowing the heavy rain in her face, but she kept her head high and simply walked through the storm, never swaying, never falling because she knew how determined she could be. The more powerful the storm and rain the stronger she felt the resolve to face it full on.
It was during the time of the poisonous letters and telephone calls that she and Peter met the mesiter. He was called the meister by Peter and Chriss, because he took control of them and tricked them at a time when they were at their most vulnerable. Gilne was a confidence trickster of the first degree, he was clever and persuasive and he was uncanningly able and believable and obvious meister of his trade.
As a result of Gilne's involvement in their ruin, Peter and Chriss were punished and scorned and lost everything. The whole situation ruined the family and there was no way out and no way back - just to move forward or stand still and they certainly were unable to move forward.
Before the year was out, Peter and Chriss were bankrupted, had lost their home, their cars and their happiness - they had lost all their money and were robbed twice and had lost both businesses and it was to take them many years to recover.
Meanwhile, Chriss was to receive more letters and more telephone calls which were an attempt to bully her and to discredit her. Chriss resolved to stand fast and Peter helped her as much as he was able however Peter's business was failing and Chriss had simply walked away from her own amidst a mist of unknowing. People were to meet her on the street and shout at her and wrongly acuse her of misconduct and Chriss had no strength nor the inclination to stand up for herself she simply wanted everything to finish - she had about as much as she could take.
During the coming months, Chriss would hide herself away from the world feeling so fatigued that she was unable to rise in the morning - just wanting to close her eyes and awake when everything was over. Her one comfort was her home and the beautiful garden that she loved so much and which she knew would soon be lost and gone forever.
She remembered the nights when she woke up in the early morning hours noticing the moon beams shining throught the cottage windows. Outside it was black and so very dark and inside the bedroom a silvery hue glistened as if to say 'be at peace there is a treasure here'. She would lie awake and just quietly study the silver light of the moon beams and sometimes she was able to catch a glimpse of the bright moon in the star studded sky. The sky was black, the window was black and silent except for the eerie sound of the resident Barn Owl, hooting in the night. There was something awesome and beautiful, almost heavenly about those 'waking' nights and it is as though, upon looking back, she was ready to see the watchman of her life.
Chriss deeply appreciated her life in her wonderful home and how close to nature it make her feel. She realised the beauty around her and the wonderful life pleasures she had the privilege to experience. The sun always seemed to shine there in her beautiful garden and she didn't want to lost it, but she knew it was just a matter of time.
In the Spring the Californian Poppies would start to grow by the old stone wall which always seemed to radiate the warmth from the sun. The whole flower bed by the wall was full of them and in a few weeks time, Peter and Chriss would spend time in the early mornings sitting by the old stone wall, with the sun beaming down simply enjoying the sight of the purple and pale pink Poppies. The Poppies were massive and seemed to flower all summer long but the late Spring was the best time to see them. There was also a mature fig tree that bore fruit for them and after placing them on the kitchen sill to ripen would taste so sweet and juicy.
Around the garden there were Japanese Maples which turned a beautiful red in autumn, and Lavender bushes, Willows and Roses. The butterflies and bees on the Lavender was really something to behold and everyone enjoyed studying the Lavender searching for the biggest bumble bee or the prettiest butterfly. Whites and Brimstones, Red Admirals and Painted Ladies and the caterpillars on the Nasturtiums which seemed to appear every summer, eating away at the leaves until there were hardly any left whole.
It was all a wonderful taste of heaven and was soon to leave their lives forever.
'...how badly you treated your staff....how rude you have been to the parents...' and '...just because you had another school doesn't mean you know what you are doing...' and so on.
After sitting with a heavy heart and reddened eyes at the kitchen table Chriss decided upon a plan of action. She won't bother with answering the letter, she wouldn't give the writer that pleasure, she would simply burn it and blow it to the wind.
Taking the letter she tore it to shreds and set it alight in the kitchen sink, with matches. Hurriedly she gathered the ashes and as if they were poison she lifted them in her hands, anxious to rid them from her home. She walked out of the back door, through the back gate and into the lane. No one was around then and she threw them into the windy air saying 'Be gone from me'. Some of the ashes landed on top of the hedge, Chriss had noticed and Chriss wondered whether she was going mad. It felt good though and she did feel as if her little ceremony had recreated something good from the ashes. She felt the return of dignity and the return of confidence and she felt ready to face the storm that was surely to come.
A few months ago, a psychic had told her 'there have been many tears and you have faced the storm, you have been blown back by the winds, but you have been walking into the storm, you have strength that you didn't know was there.'
This is exactly how Chriss felt, her long dark hair blowing behind her, the wind blowing the heavy rain in her face, but she kept her head high and simply walked through the storm, never swaying, never falling because she knew how determined she could be. The more powerful the storm and rain the stronger she felt the resolve to face it full on.
It was during the time of the poisonous letters and telephone calls that she and Peter met the mesiter. He was called the meister by Peter and Chriss, because he took control of them and tricked them at a time when they were at their most vulnerable. Gilne was a confidence trickster of the first degree, he was clever and persuasive and he was uncanningly able and believable and obvious meister of his trade.
As a result of Gilne's involvement in their ruin, Peter and Chriss were punished and scorned and lost everything. The whole situation ruined the family and there was no way out and no way back - just to move forward or stand still and they certainly were unable to move forward.
Before the year was out, Peter and Chriss were bankrupted, had lost their home, their cars and their happiness - they had lost all their money and were robbed twice and had lost both businesses and it was to take them many years to recover.
Meanwhile, Chriss was to receive more letters and more telephone calls which were an attempt to bully her and to discredit her. Chriss resolved to stand fast and Peter helped her as much as he was able however Peter's business was failing and Chriss had simply walked away from her own amidst a mist of unknowing. People were to meet her on the street and shout at her and wrongly acuse her of misconduct and Chriss had no strength nor the inclination to stand up for herself she simply wanted everything to finish - she had about as much as she could take.
During the coming months, Chriss would hide herself away from the world feeling so fatigued that she was unable to rise in the morning - just wanting to close her eyes and awake when everything was over. Her one comfort was her home and the beautiful garden that she loved so much and which she knew would soon be lost and gone forever.
She remembered the nights when she woke up in the early morning hours noticing the moon beams shining throught the cottage windows. Outside it was black and so very dark and inside the bedroom a silvery hue glistened as if to say 'be at peace there is a treasure here'. She would lie awake and just quietly study the silver light of the moon beams and sometimes she was able to catch a glimpse of the bright moon in the star studded sky. The sky was black, the window was black and silent except for the eerie sound of the resident Barn Owl, hooting in the night. There was something awesome and beautiful, almost heavenly about those 'waking' nights and it is as though, upon looking back, she was ready to see the watchman of her life.
Chriss deeply appreciated her life in her wonderful home and how close to nature it make her feel. She realised the beauty around her and the wonderful life pleasures she had the privilege to experience. The sun always seemed to shine there in her beautiful garden and she didn't want to lost it, but she knew it was just a matter of time.
In the Spring the Californian Poppies would start to grow by the old stone wall which always seemed to radiate the warmth from the sun. The whole flower bed by the wall was full of them and in a few weeks time, Peter and Chriss would spend time in the early mornings sitting by the old stone wall, with the sun beaming down simply enjoying the sight of the purple and pale pink Poppies. The Poppies were massive and seemed to flower all summer long but the late Spring was the best time to see them. There was also a mature fig tree that bore fruit for them and after placing them on the kitchen sill to ripen would taste so sweet and juicy.
Around the garden there were Japanese Maples which turned a beautiful red in autumn, and Lavender bushes, Willows and Roses. The butterflies and bees on the Lavender was really something to behold and everyone enjoyed studying the Lavender searching for the biggest bumble bee or the prettiest butterfly. Whites and Brimstones, Red Admirals and Painted Ladies and the caterpillars on the Nasturtiums which seemed to appear every summer, eating away at the leaves until there were hardly any left whole.
It was all a wonderful taste of heaven and was soon to leave their lives forever.
Friday, 21 August 2009
Time to GO!
The stress and anxiety caused by the stress, putting aside the depression and the fatigue, finally prompted Chriss to ask for help. In the nearby run down market town, Chriss found a hypnotherapist who was not particularly good, as it turned out Chriss was not hypnotisable, but at least she listned and treated Chriss as a fellow human being someone with a soul!
Chriss visited the hypnotherapist a number of times, but found the treatment difficult to get into as she was only able to listen to the tapes she was given whilst driving to and from the nursery.
She would often quote certain things to herself to boost her confidence during the day and to help her believe in herself once more, but eventually events got the better of her attempts to improve her life at the nursery and things became worse, much, much worse.
Chriss drove a Mazda, a lovely red sporty car with a roof that rolled back and down. This was a car hard won, the first and only car she had ever bought for herself and a car that cost her much energy and hard work. Chriss loved this car, it was more than a car, it was personal to her, every little nook and cranny was lovingly cared for in the car and the car had wonderful memories for her.....driving down sunny, Surrey lanes the sun beaming on her head and face and her favourite music blaring out. It was like a huge motorised bicycle with music....one could touch the energy as one was driving down the country lanes.
This particular morning Chriss was in a rush....she had to get to the nursery fast, she had got up late, she was tired already before she started and woke up with heavy eyes and head. This is how she felt most days now and Peter was concerned about her. She was finding it more and more difficult to get off to sleep at night - her heavy head always buzzing and thinking of other things.
She started up the car, put it in reverse and 'SMASH', she flew into the front of the heavy, rusty metal skip which in her hurry, she did not see. She stopped, turned off the engine and sobbed.
'Oh my god'. Getting out of the car she viewed the damage and what damage!
'We will have to send it to be repaired' Peter told her, with a cuddle.
'Oh my god' Chriss replied, her head in her hands
She had spoiled the one thing she was so proud of, the one thing she had purchased by herself after working so hard and she felt devastated. 'How can I feel this about a car?' she told herself,
Chriss understood what was happening...she felt as if her whole life was being wrecked by nasty, rusty old people and there was a panic inside of her and a feeling of despair and desperation.
'I don't want to go anymore' she commented to Peter.
'I know' he replied
The day before, was the session with Tracy's father which was far from pleasant and yet another reason for Ofsted to come down and to put her through the questioning procedure. Two Ofsted ladies came as if she was going to put up a fight and she felt overwhelmed by them. The power behind Ofsted was enormous, but she was determined not to let it affect her and she was not going to be frightened by their reactions.
Tracy's father was another shouter, another pointer another nasty piece of work. He accused Chriss of 'doing things behind closed doors' with a wagging finger in her face.
'What are you talking about' Chriss asked politely.
'I know what goes on here, I've seen that BBC programme!' he added.
'I don't take any notice of television anymore, I know my nursery and I know how to run it' Chriss replied.
'I know what is going on here and I am reporting you' he shouted wagging his finger again.
Chriss looked at the finger, 'whats with the wagging?' she thought to herself quietly.
The man rose from his seat and stormed out of the door and Chriss sat there for a moment thinking. 'What am I doing here?' she asked herself. It was all too much!
The Ofsted Inspectors, two of them as usual, arrived a few days later.
'We've had several complaints' they told Chriss.
Whilst asking questions about the mice infestation and the event with the Montessori Teacher and the fact that the staff were extremely unhappy according to a number of mothers and the fact that Montessori methods were taught and parents didn't agree with it....one of the Inspectors walked towards the staff in the room next door and started to chat with them.
'Excuse me, what are you doing?' Chriss rose from her seat. 'these are my staff, I hire them and I look after them, what do you think you are doing without my permission too?'
The Inspector looked at Chriss disrespectfully and answered 'I am talking to your staff, do you mind?'.
'Well, yes I do' Chriss said
'Well I am allowed to unless you have something to hide' the Inspector replied.
Well, the Inspectors were there for over 4 hours and spent most of the time talking to the staff whilst Chriss struggled to look after the children alone. She could not believe the irony of it....if Ofsted were notified by a parent that Chriss was alone looking after 2 babies and 15 children on her own she would have been in deep trouble - and yet here she was in her nursery which she had purchased with hard earned money - with two Ofsted Inspectors chatting with her staff who were at that time being paid to do nothing and she was expected to look after the children alone. She was furious!
Enough was enough and after the Inspectors had left, with a warning that they wished to see Chriss privately next Saturday morning at 10.0am at the nursery and that she had better be there - she felt she did not wish to continue any further with the nursery. Enough was enough and it was time to stand up to these awful Inspectors, the parents and the ex-owner (another story) and simply drop everything and go!
Chriss did not go to the interview and she refused to contact Ofsted to explain why. Chriss did not talk with the staff about her thoughts and feelings and she did not speak with the parents.
The last day was like any other day and she was ready to give back what was fed to her through the year of nursery hell.
A few days after the nursery was closed Chriss had a phone call from a friend.
'Quick Chriss, you must get to the nursery now, the staff are stealing everything!'
Chriss and Peter rushed in the car, but it was too late. The staff (a small number of them) had stolen the new dishwasher, the scanner, photocopier and printer. Several pieces of furniture were missing and even the children's fish in their fish bowls (cold water fish with filtration systems) had vanished. Chriss never really understood the reason certain members of staff would literally hire a van and steal from her. She had given them so much and had been so kind to them, but in Norfolk people do strange things if they do not accept you.
It did not matter anymore, the nursery was closed, the doors no longer open, everything Chriss had worked hard for was gone, but it was her decision and she felt she had made the right decision.
'Did you know' Chriss commented to Peter as they stood in the barns that were the nursery
'Did you know they threatened me, they tried to take away my dignity and my confidence and thank god I didn't let them' Chriss added.
She had only 2 weeks ago taken a drive down to a Montessori school which was closing in a little village about 15 miles away and had met the head teacher there who was trying to sell her Montessori equipment. She was invited by Elsie to go and see this lovely lady who must have been in her late 50's. This teacher spent many years reading to the children in her care from an old children's book that belonged to her grandmother, and the children loved the book and they loved its history and its worn out pages and its dated black and white pictures. It was read with love and respect each day to the children and it was a wonderful thing for the teacher to experience and to pass on ... a story that her grandmother had read to her many times.
She showed Chriss the book, Chriss took it carefully in her hands and felt the wonderful energy eminating from this much loved book. No wonder the children loved it so much, they feel this kind of thing.
'Ofsted ordered me to stop reading the book' the head teacher told Chriss, with a sadness in her eyes.
'Why?' Chriss asked.
'Because it is too dated and dirty' she replied.
'I love this book, it will always be with me, and the children loved it too'
'Oh so sad' the teacher said shaking her head.
Chriss held her arm, 'I know what you have been through, I am going through the same thing' she added reassuringly. 'I think it is a wonderful book, and I know my children would love this'.
Chriss handed the book carefully back to this mature and experienced teacher and Chriss felt a loving respect for such a woman who had done such great work for 25 years a Montessorian indeed.
After Chriss had said goodbye and with a heavy heart drove along the sunny lanes to home, she said to herself 'where is the respect in this world now, the honouring of those who have dedicated themselves to such hard and rewarding work, and what right do these people have to take that away?'
She was drawing closer to the thought of going even more, as she felt her work was done and she did not wish to be so appallingly treated by these dishonourable dictators of fashion. Ofsted and Playgroups were in fashion now and they did not like or accept other methods of early education.
Sadly this story is not a lone story, it is a story amongst other stories, making one big story, the loss of freedom of teaching and the disrespect of a highly respectable method of teaching and its dedicated teachers in this country. Many small and privately owned schools have since closed through this degradation process and have since been rapidly replaced by their 'centres of excellence' as they have been called, with all power and money behind them and all the benefits this brings.
Oh so sad, that children no longer have the opportunity to learn holistically and to learn to care for each other and their environment and are no longer able to experience the feeling of work well done of self respect for themselves and each other.
Chriss knew she was just another name on their list of the undesirables.
Soon after the non attendance at this so called interview on the Saturday morning, Ofsted withdrew Chriss's registration. She could have fought for it, but she was tired and had no more fight in her.
Then, the poison letters started to arrive....
Chriss visited the hypnotherapist a number of times, but found the treatment difficult to get into as she was only able to listen to the tapes she was given whilst driving to and from the nursery.
She would often quote certain things to herself to boost her confidence during the day and to help her believe in herself once more, but eventually events got the better of her attempts to improve her life at the nursery and things became worse, much, much worse.
Chriss drove a Mazda, a lovely red sporty car with a roof that rolled back and down. This was a car hard won, the first and only car she had ever bought for herself and a car that cost her much energy and hard work. Chriss loved this car, it was more than a car, it was personal to her, every little nook and cranny was lovingly cared for in the car and the car had wonderful memories for her.....driving down sunny, Surrey lanes the sun beaming on her head and face and her favourite music blaring out. It was like a huge motorised bicycle with music....one could touch the energy as one was driving down the country lanes.
This particular morning Chriss was in a rush....she had to get to the nursery fast, she had got up late, she was tired already before she started and woke up with heavy eyes and head. This is how she felt most days now and Peter was concerned about her. She was finding it more and more difficult to get off to sleep at night - her heavy head always buzzing and thinking of other things.
She started up the car, put it in reverse and 'SMASH', she flew into the front of the heavy, rusty metal skip which in her hurry, she did not see. She stopped, turned off the engine and sobbed.
'Oh my god'. Getting out of the car she viewed the damage and what damage!
'We will have to send it to be repaired' Peter told her, with a cuddle.
'Oh my god' Chriss replied, her head in her hands
She had spoiled the one thing she was so proud of, the one thing she had purchased by herself after working so hard and she felt devastated. 'How can I feel this about a car?' she told herself,
Chriss understood what was happening...she felt as if her whole life was being wrecked by nasty, rusty old people and there was a panic inside of her and a feeling of despair and desperation.
'I don't want to go anymore' she commented to Peter.
'I know' he replied
The day before, was the session with Tracy's father which was far from pleasant and yet another reason for Ofsted to come down and to put her through the questioning procedure. Two Ofsted ladies came as if she was going to put up a fight and she felt overwhelmed by them. The power behind Ofsted was enormous, but she was determined not to let it affect her and she was not going to be frightened by their reactions.
Tracy's father was another shouter, another pointer another nasty piece of work. He accused Chriss of 'doing things behind closed doors' with a wagging finger in her face.
'What are you talking about' Chriss asked politely.
'I know what goes on here, I've seen that BBC programme!' he added.
'I don't take any notice of television anymore, I know my nursery and I know how to run it' Chriss replied.
'I know what is going on here and I am reporting you' he shouted wagging his finger again.
Chriss looked at the finger, 'whats with the wagging?' she thought to herself quietly.
The man rose from his seat and stormed out of the door and Chriss sat there for a moment thinking. 'What am I doing here?' she asked herself. It was all too much!
The Ofsted Inspectors, two of them as usual, arrived a few days later.
'We've had several complaints' they told Chriss.
Whilst asking questions about the mice infestation and the event with the Montessori Teacher and the fact that the staff were extremely unhappy according to a number of mothers and the fact that Montessori methods were taught and parents didn't agree with it....one of the Inspectors walked towards the staff in the room next door and started to chat with them.
'Excuse me, what are you doing?' Chriss rose from her seat. 'these are my staff, I hire them and I look after them, what do you think you are doing without my permission too?'
The Inspector looked at Chriss disrespectfully and answered 'I am talking to your staff, do you mind?'.
'Well, yes I do' Chriss said
'Well I am allowed to unless you have something to hide' the Inspector replied.
Well, the Inspectors were there for over 4 hours and spent most of the time talking to the staff whilst Chriss struggled to look after the children alone. She could not believe the irony of it....if Ofsted were notified by a parent that Chriss was alone looking after 2 babies and 15 children on her own she would have been in deep trouble - and yet here she was in her nursery which she had purchased with hard earned money - with two Ofsted Inspectors chatting with her staff who were at that time being paid to do nothing and she was expected to look after the children alone. She was furious!
Enough was enough and after the Inspectors had left, with a warning that they wished to see Chriss privately next Saturday morning at 10.0am at the nursery and that she had better be there - she felt she did not wish to continue any further with the nursery. Enough was enough and it was time to stand up to these awful Inspectors, the parents and the ex-owner (another story) and simply drop everything and go!
Chriss did not go to the interview and she refused to contact Ofsted to explain why. Chriss did not talk with the staff about her thoughts and feelings and she did not speak with the parents.
The last day was like any other day and she was ready to give back what was fed to her through the year of nursery hell.
A few days after the nursery was closed Chriss had a phone call from a friend.
'Quick Chriss, you must get to the nursery now, the staff are stealing everything!'
Chriss and Peter rushed in the car, but it was too late. The staff (a small number of them) had stolen the new dishwasher, the scanner, photocopier and printer. Several pieces of furniture were missing and even the children's fish in their fish bowls (cold water fish with filtration systems) had vanished. Chriss never really understood the reason certain members of staff would literally hire a van and steal from her. She had given them so much and had been so kind to them, but in Norfolk people do strange things if they do not accept you.
It did not matter anymore, the nursery was closed, the doors no longer open, everything Chriss had worked hard for was gone, but it was her decision and she felt she had made the right decision.
'Did you know' Chriss commented to Peter as they stood in the barns that were the nursery
'Did you know they threatened me, they tried to take away my dignity and my confidence and thank god I didn't let them' Chriss added.
She had only 2 weeks ago taken a drive down to a Montessori school which was closing in a little village about 15 miles away and had met the head teacher there who was trying to sell her Montessori equipment. She was invited by Elsie to go and see this lovely lady who must have been in her late 50's. This teacher spent many years reading to the children in her care from an old children's book that belonged to her grandmother, and the children loved the book and they loved its history and its worn out pages and its dated black and white pictures. It was read with love and respect each day to the children and it was a wonderful thing for the teacher to experience and to pass on ... a story that her grandmother had read to her many times.
She showed Chriss the book, Chriss took it carefully in her hands and felt the wonderful energy eminating from this much loved book. No wonder the children loved it so much, they feel this kind of thing.
'Ofsted ordered me to stop reading the book' the head teacher told Chriss, with a sadness in her eyes.
'Why?' Chriss asked.
'Because it is too dated and dirty' she replied.
'I love this book, it will always be with me, and the children loved it too'
'Oh so sad' the teacher said shaking her head.
Chriss held her arm, 'I know what you have been through, I am going through the same thing' she added reassuringly. 'I think it is a wonderful book, and I know my children would love this'.
Chriss handed the book carefully back to this mature and experienced teacher and Chriss felt a loving respect for such a woman who had done such great work for 25 years a Montessorian indeed.
After Chriss had said goodbye and with a heavy heart drove along the sunny lanes to home, she said to herself 'where is the respect in this world now, the honouring of those who have dedicated themselves to such hard and rewarding work, and what right do these people have to take that away?'
She was drawing closer to the thought of going even more, as she felt her work was done and she did not wish to be so appallingly treated by these dishonourable dictators of fashion. Ofsted and Playgroups were in fashion now and they did not like or accept other methods of early education.
Sadly this story is not a lone story, it is a story amongst other stories, making one big story, the loss of freedom of teaching and the disrespect of a highly respectable method of teaching and its dedicated teachers in this country. Many small and privately owned schools have since closed through this degradation process and have since been rapidly replaced by their 'centres of excellence' as they have been called, with all power and money behind them and all the benefits this brings.
Oh so sad, that children no longer have the opportunity to learn holistically and to learn to care for each other and their environment and are no longer able to experience the feeling of work well done of self respect for themselves and each other.
Chriss knew she was just another name on their list of the undesirables.
Soon after the non attendance at this so called interview on the Saturday morning, Ofsted withdrew Chriss's registration. She could have fought for it, but she was tired and had no more fight in her.
Then, the poison letters started to arrive....
The Nursery
Chriss turned around as she felt an abrupt prod on her left shoulder which jolted her into a horrid sense of foreboding. She just felt that somehow what was to follow was not going to be easy and she felt nervous and agitated all over again.
She had been enjoying the morning so far, with the children and also the staff, as they all worked so well as a team. The jolt came from behind her as she was finishing her regular morning chat with the staff in the 'baby's room'. The look on the faces in front of her told her something horrid was about to happen and they turned away in an attempt to ignore the huge negative person standing behind her. 'Oh god!' Chriss mumbled to herself.
She turned her head slowly and attempted to put a brave smile across her face which did not appear to be able to reach her eyes, and deep inside she felt bad, really bad and scared too.
'Oh hello Mrs Tanner' Chriss said with her smile.
'I wanna talk to ya nour!' Mrs Tanner replied in her awful brusque 'norfolk' accent. She was a farmer's wife and very wealthy (as incidentally a lot of norfolk farmer's are) although they will tell you if you know nothing about farming, that they have a really tough time. This negative bully was a tough boot and a member of the group of parents who spent their time gossiping and avoiding eye contact with people they did not like or accept. Here in Norfolk, you were not just not accepted, you were not part of the league - you were disliked immediately if you were new and especially if you came from the 'so called' affluent south.
The woman started shouting at Chriss, for no apparant reason as far as Chriss was concerned, so Chriss gently ushered her toward the wooden stairs that lead to a room which she knew was empty.
'Let's talk upstairs' Chriss said and walked in front of the woman, leading the way.
To this day, even now, Chriss cannot remember the exact details of what was said and why, as the only really vivid memory of this occasion (which so many teachers face these days), was of a nasty excuse for a human being, violently wagging her finger an inch in front of Chriss's face -
her aggressive wide face right in front of Chriss's and screaming at the top of her voice (Chriss could feel the breeze from her breath flicking at her fringe),
'You liar! You are a liar! You bloody liar! and so on.
Chriss tried to calm her down gently reassuring her and telling her that she was not a liar and she did not understand what she was talking about. 'You said that you were going to talk to everyone and introduce yourself when you first came here' the woman was adding now.
My husband and I were appalled because you didn't come up to talk to us!'.
'Well I distinctly remember coming over to say 'hello' and shake hands with you both.
'You liar!' Mrs Tanner screamed again at Chriss's face. 'You didn't even bother'
'Well, I don't want to argue about this Mrs Tanner, and you have accused me of other things which are untrue, I suggest we finish talking to each other now, and your son is ready to be collected' Chriss answered, she could now feel the warmth in her face as she was trying not to become angry with this awful woman. 'We all know how you lie and how you run this place for your own benefit' Mrs Tanner screamed again this time almost pushing Chris over as her face was now within the safety limits of Chriss's face.
'I think this is enough!' Chriss answered.
'This school is my business and I make the decisions here' Chriss explained. The woman however was not allowing her to speak, she interrupted incessantly and abruptly by shouting over Chriss's calm voice.
Chriss could feel herself becoming very nervous and anxious and it was beginning to show in her voice as she felt a lump in her throat which resulted in an unnerving shake in her voice as she tried to answer the woman. She thought this parent was actually going to beat her physically as well as mentally and emotionally with all her vocal abuse and angry shouting.
As Chriss went to open the door, she heard a little voice at the bottom of the stairs saying,
'Why is mummy shouting at Chriss?' A member of staff knelt down beside him and said softly, 'Mummy is just angry, Chriss is ok, don't worry'. The little boy was worried and didn't like his teacher being shouted at by his mummy who was always so angry at home.
'I suggest you go, I think you have said enough!' Chriss answered professionally and jestered towards the door. The little boy came running upstairs,
'Mummy why are you shouting at my teacher, I don't like you shouting'. His mother grabbed him roughly by the hand, and said 'Come on, we are going now and I am not shouting'.
The little boy followed reluctantly as his mother dragged him along, jolting him forward every now and then. Craig, the little boy, just looked anxiously at Chriss but Chriss smiled,
'See you tomorrow Craig'. Craig waved as he was jolted out of the door.
'You haven't heard the last!' the mother managed to squeeze in before she slammed the door behind her. Chriss knew the child would not be back (this had become a regular pattern now).
'What does she mean?' the staff were asking Chriss now.
'Oh' said Chriss 'another Ofsted visit of course!'. She was used to the Ofsted inspectors turning up at the nursery out of the blue, ready to ask questions of her, like the Spanish Inquisition.
Kitty came up to Chriss, 'Are you alright Chriss, we were worried and were about to come in and help you'. Chriss looked through glassy eyes at her deputy manager,
'I'm ok, I just need to go out for a bit'.
Chriss walked out of the Barns, the wind was blowing, the day was over, the staff about to go home and Peter was due to arrive any moment now. Her head was heavy with negative thoughts and feeling and the awful feeling emerged like a tired 'jack in the box' ready to take grip again, the feeling that just would not go away.
'I don't know how much more of this I can take' Chriss said to herself as the tears dripped slowly down her cheek. She wiped them away quickly and inside she knew she was beginning to break apart but she had to be strong and show defiance against these nasty, agressive and negative people. It was not the first time, nor, she knew, would it be the last. They were coming in thick and fast and she felt she had a real battle on her hands. How she kept her head above the water in the last months of nursery hell, she did not know, but she did and that was what made her feel stronger.
A new young girl, who seemed so sweet natured, had joined Chriss's team....Tracy....she was only 17 years old, a lovely quiet girl who was training for her NVQ (national vocational qualification) in childcare and needed to work at a placement facility for her practical training.
Tracy was given over to Elsie, so that she could help her with her rather large group of children, one of two of whom were quite badly behaved. Elsie was a promising Montessori Teacher and was well trained and experienced. Chriss felt she could place the younger Montessori group with Elsie, who enjoyed the challenge and the fact that she had her own group of children.
One day, Tracy left early, without asking permission and Chriss wondered where she had gone. It was only midday and Elsie needed help.
'I don't know where she is' Elsie replied 'She had been looking rather sad this morning'
Chriss decided to ask the staff in the baby room. They were gossips and spent most of their time eating the baby lunches if the babies didn't require anymore, sitting on the floor and enjoying doing nothing when the babies were asleep. Chriss felt rather resentful towards them as they were paid well, refused to help any other members of staff if they needed help and were hopeless at cleaning and sterilising the baby units and hoovering the floor and....and... well many is the time Chriss had to finish off their cleaning for them after everyone had gone home (on the dot) of course.
Susan called Chriss over to one side. 'Tracy isn't coming back' she whispered.
'What do you mean, she isn't coming back' Chriss asked with a slightly raised voice.
'There is trouble with Elsie' answered Susan
'Oh no, what is it now?' Chriss asked.
'Well Elsie apparantly got hold of Tyler and pulled his arm and told him off' Susan answered.
'Tracy was in tears and didn't like what she saw, so she went home'.
Chriss knew more trouble was about to start and she was beginning to hate the place, she drew in a deep breath and prepared for the worse. She felt tired and drained.
That afternoon, a rather angry father arrived at the nursery, demanding to speak with Chriss.
'I wanna speak with the owner' he splurted 'I'm Tracy's dad!'
Susan came into Chriss's buzzing, peaceful class of children, all busying themselves before their parents arrived to collect them and Kitty had just called out 'Circle time' when Susan burst through the door.
'Chriss, Tracy's dad is here and he is cross and he is asking for you!'
Kitty and Chriss looked at each other 'Kitty, I'll be back, keep going for me' Chriss had said.
With now, a pounding heart and what had become by now a regular fluttering in her chest, Chriss approached the father.
'Can I help you, I'm the head teacher here' Chriss smiled
'I wanna private talk about Tracy' the gruff man said.
'Let's go upstairs' Chriss answered. 'Oh god, here we go again' rang in her weary, aching head.
She had been enjoying the morning so far, with the children and also the staff, as they all worked so well as a team. The jolt came from behind her as she was finishing her regular morning chat with the staff in the 'baby's room'. The look on the faces in front of her told her something horrid was about to happen and they turned away in an attempt to ignore the huge negative person standing behind her. 'Oh god!' Chriss mumbled to herself.
She turned her head slowly and attempted to put a brave smile across her face which did not appear to be able to reach her eyes, and deep inside she felt bad, really bad and scared too.
'Oh hello Mrs Tanner' Chriss said with her smile.
'I wanna talk to ya nour!' Mrs Tanner replied in her awful brusque 'norfolk' accent. She was a farmer's wife and very wealthy (as incidentally a lot of norfolk farmer's are) although they will tell you if you know nothing about farming, that they have a really tough time. This negative bully was a tough boot and a member of the group of parents who spent their time gossiping and avoiding eye contact with people they did not like or accept. Here in Norfolk, you were not just not accepted, you were not part of the league - you were disliked immediately if you were new and especially if you came from the 'so called' affluent south.
The woman started shouting at Chriss, for no apparant reason as far as Chriss was concerned, so Chriss gently ushered her toward the wooden stairs that lead to a room which she knew was empty.
'Let's talk upstairs' Chriss said and walked in front of the woman, leading the way.
To this day, even now, Chriss cannot remember the exact details of what was said and why, as the only really vivid memory of this occasion (which so many teachers face these days), was of a nasty excuse for a human being, violently wagging her finger an inch in front of Chriss's face -
her aggressive wide face right in front of Chriss's and screaming at the top of her voice (Chriss could feel the breeze from her breath flicking at her fringe),
'You liar! You are a liar! You bloody liar! and so on.
Chriss tried to calm her down gently reassuring her and telling her that she was not a liar and she did not understand what she was talking about. 'You said that you were going to talk to everyone and introduce yourself when you first came here' the woman was adding now.
My husband and I were appalled because you didn't come up to talk to us!'.
'Well I distinctly remember coming over to say 'hello' and shake hands with you both.
'You liar!' Mrs Tanner screamed again at Chriss's face. 'You didn't even bother'
'Well, I don't want to argue about this Mrs Tanner, and you have accused me of other things which are untrue, I suggest we finish talking to each other now, and your son is ready to be collected' Chriss answered, she could now feel the warmth in her face as she was trying not to become angry with this awful woman. 'We all know how you lie and how you run this place for your own benefit' Mrs Tanner screamed again this time almost pushing Chris over as her face was now within the safety limits of Chriss's face.
'I think this is enough!' Chriss answered.
'This school is my business and I make the decisions here' Chriss explained. The woman however was not allowing her to speak, she interrupted incessantly and abruptly by shouting over Chriss's calm voice.
Chriss could feel herself becoming very nervous and anxious and it was beginning to show in her voice as she felt a lump in her throat which resulted in an unnerving shake in her voice as she tried to answer the woman. She thought this parent was actually going to beat her physically as well as mentally and emotionally with all her vocal abuse and angry shouting.
As Chriss went to open the door, she heard a little voice at the bottom of the stairs saying,
'Why is mummy shouting at Chriss?' A member of staff knelt down beside him and said softly, 'Mummy is just angry, Chriss is ok, don't worry'. The little boy was worried and didn't like his teacher being shouted at by his mummy who was always so angry at home.
'I suggest you go, I think you have said enough!' Chriss answered professionally and jestered towards the door. The little boy came running upstairs,
'Mummy why are you shouting at my teacher, I don't like you shouting'. His mother grabbed him roughly by the hand, and said 'Come on, we are going now and I am not shouting'.
The little boy followed reluctantly as his mother dragged him along, jolting him forward every now and then. Craig, the little boy, just looked anxiously at Chriss but Chriss smiled,
'See you tomorrow Craig'. Craig waved as he was jolted out of the door.
'You haven't heard the last!' the mother managed to squeeze in before she slammed the door behind her. Chriss knew the child would not be back (this had become a regular pattern now).
'What does she mean?' the staff were asking Chriss now.
'Oh' said Chriss 'another Ofsted visit of course!'. She was used to the Ofsted inspectors turning up at the nursery out of the blue, ready to ask questions of her, like the Spanish Inquisition.
Kitty came up to Chriss, 'Are you alright Chriss, we were worried and were about to come in and help you'. Chriss looked through glassy eyes at her deputy manager,
'I'm ok, I just need to go out for a bit'.
Chriss walked out of the Barns, the wind was blowing, the day was over, the staff about to go home and Peter was due to arrive any moment now. Her head was heavy with negative thoughts and feeling and the awful feeling emerged like a tired 'jack in the box' ready to take grip again, the feeling that just would not go away.
'I don't know how much more of this I can take' Chriss said to herself as the tears dripped slowly down her cheek. She wiped them away quickly and inside she knew she was beginning to break apart but she had to be strong and show defiance against these nasty, agressive and negative people. It was not the first time, nor, she knew, would it be the last. They were coming in thick and fast and she felt she had a real battle on her hands. How she kept her head above the water in the last months of nursery hell, she did not know, but she did and that was what made her feel stronger.
A new young girl, who seemed so sweet natured, had joined Chriss's team....Tracy....she was only 17 years old, a lovely quiet girl who was training for her NVQ (national vocational qualification) in childcare and needed to work at a placement facility for her practical training.
Tracy was given over to Elsie, so that she could help her with her rather large group of children, one of two of whom were quite badly behaved. Elsie was a promising Montessori Teacher and was well trained and experienced. Chriss felt she could place the younger Montessori group with Elsie, who enjoyed the challenge and the fact that she had her own group of children.
One day, Tracy left early, without asking permission and Chriss wondered where she had gone. It was only midday and Elsie needed help.
'I don't know where she is' Elsie replied 'She had been looking rather sad this morning'
Chriss decided to ask the staff in the baby room. They were gossips and spent most of their time eating the baby lunches if the babies didn't require anymore, sitting on the floor and enjoying doing nothing when the babies were asleep. Chriss felt rather resentful towards them as they were paid well, refused to help any other members of staff if they needed help and were hopeless at cleaning and sterilising the baby units and hoovering the floor and....and... well many is the time Chriss had to finish off their cleaning for them after everyone had gone home (on the dot) of course.
Susan called Chriss over to one side. 'Tracy isn't coming back' she whispered.
'What do you mean, she isn't coming back' Chriss asked with a slightly raised voice.
'There is trouble with Elsie' answered Susan
'Oh no, what is it now?' Chriss asked.
'Well Elsie apparantly got hold of Tyler and pulled his arm and told him off' Susan answered.
'Tracy was in tears and didn't like what she saw, so she went home'.
Chriss knew more trouble was about to start and she was beginning to hate the place, she drew in a deep breath and prepared for the worse. She felt tired and drained.
That afternoon, a rather angry father arrived at the nursery, demanding to speak with Chriss.
'I wanna speak with the owner' he splurted 'I'm Tracy's dad!'
Susan came into Chriss's buzzing, peaceful class of children, all busying themselves before their parents arrived to collect them and Kitty had just called out 'Circle time' when Susan burst through the door.
'Chriss, Tracy's dad is here and he is cross and he is asking for you!'
Kitty and Chriss looked at each other 'Kitty, I'll be back, keep going for me' Chriss had said.
With now, a pounding heart and what had become by now a regular fluttering in her chest, Chriss approached the father.
'Can I help you, I'm the head teacher here' Chriss smiled
'I wanna private talk about Tracy' the gruff man said.
'Let's go upstairs' Chriss answered. 'Oh god, here we go again' rang in her weary, aching head.
Thursday, 23 July 2009
Chriss stirred with a jolt and sudden realisation hit her, where she was and how she was now, in the present. The sound of the intruding telephone had jolted her into reality once again. Rubbing her eyes she rose from the bed and reached out towards the telephone. It was the school yet again! When waking that morning, she had not felt very well and had slumped back into the comfortable pillow on her bed and promptly fell fast asleep again. She did not like thinking about the recent past, but it was always there ready to emerge and she had no control over its actions in her mind.
The 'new' school as she called it had just recently been purchased with the help of the bank of course, through which she had purchased the previous school in Cobham, Surrey. After two years of mind bending consultation, she had managed to find a serious buyer for the business and all the legal work had gone through without a hitch and the school was sold and paid for within a few months. The months before the sale of the school were extremely stressful for Chriss, late nights working at the computer, talking with parents on the telephone and checking that all the staff were happy and progressing and that the children were safe in their capable hands. The work at the Cobham School was another long, long story and Chriss was exhausted by her efforts in holding everything and everyone together.
Now the 'new' school in Norfolk was proving to be just as stressful and demanding, if not more so, with more staff and more children and obnoxious parents who were finding it very difficult to accept her and her Montessori ways. Someone had recently made the comment that Norfolk people found change difficult, but no one commented on how cruel and utterly nasty they could be. Of course not all Norfolk are like that, but Chriss had hit against some very cruel and blinkered people after buying the school, and she regretted it immensely.
Her energy was draining away so quickly in front of her very eyes and every day was an effort and a survival process. It seemed to her that the only people who really enjoyed her efforts were the children and the staff and a very small number of parents, who were completely new to the area and the school. There were times when arriving, she would walk into the entrance to the school and the 'nasties' as she came to name them, were standing in the hallway, waiting impatiently for their children. 'Good morning' she greeted them with a smile. In return, a blank hard glare and total ignorance of her existence resounded back towards her eager self. She felt hurt but she was determined not to show it and shrugged off the negative energy, entering the main door with a brave smile on her face only to be greeted by disgruntled staff who had 'had enough' of the rudeness of the parents.
Whenever she arrived at the school, she put on a brave and cheerful face, but inside felt afraid and nervous as she approached the main door to the building. She would never quite assess the mood of the staff, but the wonderful children were always the same. They adored her and were always greeting her with great affection and loving the fact that she had arrived at last.
Now the deputy manager of this school was on the phone, begging her to come in as quickly as she could. A member of staff was in tears and a disgruntled Ofsted inspector had arrived at 8.0am that morning and was asking for her. 'Oh what do they want now' Chriss had said with a tiring lilt to her voice. 'Some parent has complained about the mouse traps in the kitchen' Lizzie had replied. Chriss spoke with the Ofsted inspector on the telephone, and reassured her that the mice were being dealt with and that Rentokil had been over to the nursery and that an enormous sum had been paid out to them, for their services. The children were not in the kitchen ever and the door to the kitchen was always locked and sealed safely behind a child gate.
Chriss sighed in exasperation and wished that she had never bought the blasted business.
Maxie had complained about wasps in the nursery again and Chriss asked Lizzie if the staff were ensuring that the insect nets were up at the windows. 'No' replied Lizzie, 'they are just hanging loosely and no one is checking that they are covering the windows properly'. Chriss replied rather bitterly 'well, perhaps they should, because wasps and flies will get into the rooms if they don't' a deep sigh rather irritatingly, passed from her lips ' I will be in shortly' she added 'same time as ever'. Lizzie replied 'thanks, see you soon' and placed down the phone.
Chriss thought about happier times when the pressure and strain from Ofsted and the possibility of complaining about the simplest small thing was generally non existant. All the children were safe and looked after so well, none had been stung by a wasp or eaten by a blackfly or whatever Ofsted and the complaining parent were expecting 'man eating mice, maybe' Chriss muttered.
'Oh god, here we go again' she exclaimed and prepared herself to fly down the lovely country lanes towards the school, whereupon entering the gates to the converted barns caused a nervous jolt in the bottom of her stomach and a deeply unhappy feeling that just would not go away. She was nervous and agitated as if she was about to face an entourage of angry faces and voices which she was ill prepared to deal with. A nasty, negative energy was lurking and she felt it so vividly every time she walked through that doorway.
The 'new' school as she called it had just recently been purchased with the help of the bank of course, through which she had purchased the previous school in Cobham, Surrey. After two years of mind bending consultation, she had managed to find a serious buyer for the business and all the legal work had gone through without a hitch and the school was sold and paid for within a few months. The months before the sale of the school were extremely stressful for Chriss, late nights working at the computer, talking with parents on the telephone and checking that all the staff were happy and progressing and that the children were safe in their capable hands. The work at the Cobham School was another long, long story and Chriss was exhausted by her efforts in holding everything and everyone together.
Now the 'new' school in Norfolk was proving to be just as stressful and demanding, if not more so, with more staff and more children and obnoxious parents who were finding it very difficult to accept her and her Montessori ways. Someone had recently made the comment that Norfolk people found change difficult, but no one commented on how cruel and utterly nasty they could be. Of course not all Norfolk are like that, but Chriss had hit against some very cruel and blinkered people after buying the school, and she regretted it immensely.
Her energy was draining away so quickly in front of her very eyes and every day was an effort and a survival process. It seemed to her that the only people who really enjoyed her efforts were the children and the staff and a very small number of parents, who were completely new to the area and the school. There were times when arriving, she would walk into the entrance to the school and the 'nasties' as she came to name them, were standing in the hallway, waiting impatiently for their children. 'Good morning' she greeted them with a smile. In return, a blank hard glare and total ignorance of her existence resounded back towards her eager self. She felt hurt but she was determined not to show it and shrugged off the negative energy, entering the main door with a brave smile on her face only to be greeted by disgruntled staff who had 'had enough' of the rudeness of the parents.
Whenever she arrived at the school, she put on a brave and cheerful face, but inside felt afraid and nervous as she approached the main door to the building. She would never quite assess the mood of the staff, but the wonderful children were always the same. They adored her and were always greeting her with great affection and loving the fact that she had arrived at last.
Now the deputy manager of this school was on the phone, begging her to come in as quickly as she could. A member of staff was in tears and a disgruntled Ofsted inspector had arrived at 8.0am that morning and was asking for her. 'Oh what do they want now' Chriss had said with a tiring lilt to her voice. 'Some parent has complained about the mouse traps in the kitchen' Lizzie had replied. Chriss spoke with the Ofsted inspector on the telephone, and reassured her that the mice were being dealt with and that Rentokil had been over to the nursery and that an enormous sum had been paid out to them, for their services. The children were not in the kitchen ever and the door to the kitchen was always locked and sealed safely behind a child gate.
Chriss sighed in exasperation and wished that she had never bought the blasted business.
Maxie had complained about wasps in the nursery again and Chriss asked Lizzie if the staff were ensuring that the insect nets were up at the windows. 'No' replied Lizzie, 'they are just hanging loosely and no one is checking that they are covering the windows properly'. Chriss replied rather bitterly 'well, perhaps they should, because wasps and flies will get into the rooms if they don't' a deep sigh rather irritatingly, passed from her lips ' I will be in shortly' she added 'same time as ever'. Lizzie replied 'thanks, see you soon' and placed down the phone.
Chriss thought about happier times when the pressure and strain from Ofsted and the possibility of complaining about the simplest small thing was generally non existant. All the children were safe and looked after so well, none had been stung by a wasp or eaten by a blackfly or whatever Ofsted and the complaining parent were expecting 'man eating mice, maybe' Chriss muttered.
'Oh god, here we go again' she exclaimed and prepared herself to fly down the lovely country lanes towards the school, whereupon entering the gates to the converted barns caused a nervous jolt in the bottom of her stomach and a deeply unhappy feeling that just would not go away. She was nervous and agitated as if she was about to face an entourage of angry faces and voices which she was ill prepared to deal with. A nasty, negative energy was lurking and she felt it so vividly every time she walked through that doorway.
Monday, 20 July 2009
Arrival
Six weeks later the journey away from Devon was nightmarish. Chriss felt she was the lucky one having only George with her in the old green car. It was nerve wracking nonetheless. She drove quietly past the old Montessori school with its beautiful Wisteria creeping now like an endless
brown twisted web of wood, no flowers now and no life around. The day was damp and cold, the sky grey and dank. It was December after all and school was closed for Christmas holidays.
Chriss felt an excitement well up inside her, she was going home and taking two new members of the family with her, William and Maria. Both William and Maria were in the car with Peter and following a mobile call Chriss discovered that Maria was screaming most of the time; but Peter was more able to tackle that kind of thing and she knew Maria was safe with him. Her motherly instinct came through nonetheless realising that if she was in the car with Maria she would be stopping every mile or so, giving Maria a cuddle and feeding her and trying to keep her happy. Peter commented later that Maria had screamed virtually all the way to Surrey, falling asleep finally with sheer exhaustion. The whole trip would only have served to upset her in an extreme fashion if she was in the car with a poor and screaming baby.
After 50 miles or so, Chriss started to feel tired, her eyes slowly giving in to that awful heavy feeling, fluttering and slowly closing. She began to feel strangely relaxed, thankfully George was behaving so well and talking excitedly to her as they travelled along the endless roads.
Stopping now along a wide country lane, she opened the door of the car and stepped out bravely facing the brisk wind and wetness. 'Will I ever get there?' she thought to herself knowing full well there was another 150 miles to go and a little panic began to set in. She looked into the back window at George who was now fast asleep, his head sweetly to one side, he looked so peaceful. 'Right, must get on', she said to herself and stepped back into the car switched on the engine and then away again into the pelting rain.
She wondered how Peter was doing, he must have been at least one hour ahead of her. They had started to drive the long roads to Surrey in convey, had stopped because Chriss felt tired, and after some discussion on some open country lane they had decided to let him drive ahead as he was already an hour or so behind schedule for the collection of the keys to the rented home in Surrey.
Chriss watched longingly as Peter drove off, she hated being left and did not relish the lonely drive of 150 miles or so on her own, with George. She felt concerned and nervous, as this was the first time she was left to cope with a long drive by herself. To cheer herself she started to wonder what the house looked like, she remembered the area well and how to get there, but she had not ever seen the house. Peter's colleague had seen it and had chosen it for them, and told them that it was very suitable so she knew it would be fine, but still she wondered - it kept her entertained. Then before she realised it, she was on the motorway driving towards London - still a long way off and along unknown roads in the darkness.
The motorway was very busy the closer Chriss approached the London end. She became rather nervous with all the traffic as she had only been driving a few years now and hated busy roads.
She decided to pull into the next services and she recognised them straight away 'oh good, something familiar' she muttered remembering driving into the same services with Peter on one of his many business trips down to London. The whole journey seemed to be taking forever, a lot longer than if Peter was driving. Chriss and George quickly enjoyed a little snack and drink at the services, refreshed themselves together and then returned to the car. It was getting dark and a sense of urgency had descended upon her.
Further along the motorway she accidentally took the wrong slip road off the motorway and found herself in dark unknown territory. It was raining outside and really dark now and she was finding it difficult to see clearly through the moonless night and worse still she was noticing some fog descending. 'Gotta try to get there quickly' she murmered to herself and although she was panicking inside, she tried to make it seem fun for George who was asking now, every moment it seemed, 'are we nearly there, mummy?'
'Not yet George' she replied gently.
By some miracle, she found herself travelling down the long road, fortunately fully lit by mid island lamposts, towards Heathrow airport. This she instantly recognised, but had no idea how to get out of the maze of rush hour traffic she had found herself in, in the midst of a foggy, rainy and moonless evening. Following signs she felt were pointing in the right direction and going around roundabouts she felt were taking her somewhere significant, she miraculously ended up at Hampton Court. How she and George got there, she does not know, perhaps by instinct, but now she really did know where she was and happily knew how to get to Cobham on the A3. This area was home territory to her and she was pleased to be surrounded by familiar landmarks and somehow, familiar drivers and familar cars. Finally reaching the A3, coming off the slip road, she drove down the crowded A3 full of fast moving traffic, going home for the weekend. As she passed over the M25 and turned left into Effingham Lane, the fog came down with a vengeance. Chriss could hardly see 3 feet ahead and being an inexperienced driver in fog she became quite nervous and the road became unfamiliar to her. All she could see as she gazed out of the windscreen in front of her was a roundish gap in the dark fog and the faint white lines on the road in front of her, merely 3 feet of it. She strained her eyes to see clearly and felt surrounded by an encompassing heavy darkness. It was not a pleasant feeling in unfamiliar territory and in the middle of absolutely nowhere but somewhere in Surrey. George was even commenting on the thick fog and she spent most of her time reassuring him and telling him everything was fine.
A fast driver behind her became impatient with her slow 20 mph speed and hooted and honked annoying her beyond belief. However, she did not speed up and the rude driver revved past her at high speed into the thick ominous fog in front of them. 'Well' she sighed wishing she could do the same thing and speed up into the dark fog ahead of her. Eventually, in thick fog, and darkness, hardly seeing clearly ahead, she found the road in Surrey where her new home was to be, quite miraculously and by accident finding the name of the road on a sign ahead of her.
Peter had been waiting in the next door neighbours house, he had arrived just in time to collect the keys from the agent waiting in the rented house for them both to appear. The neighbour had walked over after noticing the two small children and Peter on his own in the driveway and kindly invited them in for a cup of tea and biscuits. Chriss finally arrived several hours later, with George in tow and both felt relieved to have reached their destination. Peter was relieved to know that everyone was safe and warm and together again at last. The journey had been quite a nightmare for Chriss!
Chriss of course, loved the house. It was large enough for them all and the front garden was lovely with a huge, long and steep drive. It was to be the place where the family spent most of their time, when outside as there was a slope leading down to the house and the boys in particular loved riding their pedal cars down the slope, crashing into each other in the process.
After leaving the neighbours house, and very late at night, the whole family finally and peacefully fell asleep in their sleeping bags on the floor. It felt exciting to be in their new home, after arriving safely and being able to join up together again. They were back in Surrey and they felt that they were home.
brown twisted web of wood, no flowers now and no life around. The day was damp and cold, the sky grey and dank. It was December after all and school was closed for Christmas holidays.
Chriss felt an excitement well up inside her, she was going home and taking two new members of the family with her, William and Maria. Both William and Maria were in the car with Peter and following a mobile call Chriss discovered that Maria was screaming most of the time; but Peter was more able to tackle that kind of thing and she knew Maria was safe with him. Her motherly instinct came through nonetheless realising that if she was in the car with Maria she would be stopping every mile or so, giving Maria a cuddle and feeding her and trying to keep her happy. Peter commented later that Maria had screamed virtually all the way to Surrey, falling asleep finally with sheer exhaustion. The whole trip would only have served to upset her in an extreme fashion if she was in the car with a poor and screaming baby.
After 50 miles or so, Chriss started to feel tired, her eyes slowly giving in to that awful heavy feeling, fluttering and slowly closing. She began to feel strangely relaxed, thankfully George was behaving so well and talking excitedly to her as they travelled along the endless roads.
Stopping now along a wide country lane, she opened the door of the car and stepped out bravely facing the brisk wind and wetness. 'Will I ever get there?' she thought to herself knowing full well there was another 150 miles to go and a little panic began to set in. She looked into the back window at George who was now fast asleep, his head sweetly to one side, he looked so peaceful. 'Right, must get on', she said to herself and stepped back into the car switched on the engine and then away again into the pelting rain.
She wondered how Peter was doing, he must have been at least one hour ahead of her. They had started to drive the long roads to Surrey in convey, had stopped because Chriss felt tired, and after some discussion on some open country lane they had decided to let him drive ahead as he was already an hour or so behind schedule for the collection of the keys to the rented home in Surrey.
Chriss watched longingly as Peter drove off, she hated being left and did not relish the lonely drive of 150 miles or so on her own, with George. She felt concerned and nervous, as this was the first time she was left to cope with a long drive by herself. To cheer herself she started to wonder what the house looked like, she remembered the area well and how to get there, but she had not ever seen the house. Peter's colleague had seen it and had chosen it for them, and told them that it was very suitable so she knew it would be fine, but still she wondered - it kept her entertained. Then before she realised it, she was on the motorway driving towards London - still a long way off and along unknown roads in the darkness.
The motorway was very busy the closer Chriss approached the London end. She became rather nervous with all the traffic as she had only been driving a few years now and hated busy roads.
She decided to pull into the next services and she recognised them straight away 'oh good, something familiar' she muttered remembering driving into the same services with Peter on one of his many business trips down to London. The whole journey seemed to be taking forever, a lot longer than if Peter was driving. Chriss and George quickly enjoyed a little snack and drink at the services, refreshed themselves together and then returned to the car. It was getting dark and a sense of urgency had descended upon her.
Further along the motorway she accidentally took the wrong slip road off the motorway and found herself in dark unknown territory. It was raining outside and really dark now and she was finding it difficult to see clearly through the moonless night and worse still she was noticing some fog descending. 'Gotta try to get there quickly' she murmered to herself and although she was panicking inside, she tried to make it seem fun for George who was asking now, every moment it seemed, 'are we nearly there, mummy?'
'Not yet George' she replied gently.
By some miracle, she found herself travelling down the long road, fortunately fully lit by mid island lamposts, towards Heathrow airport. This she instantly recognised, but had no idea how to get out of the maze of rush hour traffic she had found herself in, in the midst of a foggy, rainy and moonless evening. Following signs she felt were pointing in the right direction and going around roundabouts she felt were taking her somewhere significant, she miraculously ended up at Hampton Court. How she and George got there, she does not know, perhaps by instinct, but now she really did know where she was and happily knew how to get to Cobham on the A3. This area was home territory to her and she was pleased to be surrounded by familiar landmarks and somehow, familiar drivers and familar cars. Finally reaching the A3, coming off the slip road, she drove down the crowded A3 full of fast moving traffic, going home for the weekend. As she passed over the M25 and turned left into Effingham Lane, the fog came down with a vengeance. Chriss could hardly see 3 feet ahead and being an inexperienced driver in fog she became quite nervous and the road became unfamiliar to her. All she could see as she gazed out of the windscreen in front of her was a roundish gap in the dark fog and the faint white lines on the road in front of her, merely 3 feet of it. She strained her eyes to see clearly and felt surrounded by an encompassing heavy darkness. It was not a pleasant feeling in unfamiliar territory and in the middle of absolutely nowhere but somewhere in Surrey. George was even commenting on the thick fog and she spent most of her time reassuring him and telling him everything was fine.
A fast driver behind her became impatient with her slow 20 mph speed and hooted and honked annoying her beyond belief. However, she did not speed up and the rude driver revved past her at high speed into the thick ominous fog in front of them. 'Well' she sighed wishing she could do the same thing and speed up into the dark fog ahead of her. Eventually, in thick fog, and darkness, hardly seeing clearly ahead, she found the road in Surrey where her new home was to be, quite miraculously and by accident finding the name of the road on a sign ahead of her.
Peter had been waiting in the next door neighbours house, he had arrived just in time to collect the keys from the agent waiting in the rented house for them both to appear. The neighbour had walked over after noticing the two small children and Peter on his own in the driveway and kindly invited them in for a cup of tea and biscuits. Chriss finally arrived several hours later, with George in tow and both felt relieved to have reached their destination. Peter was relieved to know that everyone was safe and warm and together again at last. The journey had been quite a nightmare for Chriss!
Chriss of course, loved the house. It was large enough for them all and the front garden was lovely with a huge, long and steep drive. It was to be the place where the family spent most of their time, when outside as there was a slope leading down to the house and the boys in particular loved riding their pedal cars down the slope, crashing into each other in the process.
After leaving the neighbours house, and very late at night, the whole family finally and peacefully fell asleep in their sleeping bags on the floor. It felt exciting to be in their new home, after arriving safely and being able to join up together again. They were back in Surrey and they felt that they were home.
Saturday, 18 July 2009
It was gone the millenium when they decided to move away. They had been working for so long and so hard and needed a different style and way of life, a different life. Back in 1999 they thought the USA would be the answer for them and after the visa came through it became quickly apparent to them that it was neither the right time nor the right thing to do. So they thought again long and hard.
Work at the school had become extremely tiring and stressful and Chriss was feeling the strain enormously.
Each day was just another day, nothing new and nothing to look forward to. On occasions it was taking one whole hour to simply travel in the car the crowded, noisy, stressful, hot and humid 3 miles to the school. She had recently purchased the one and only car she had ever purchased in her life and was deeply in love with the machine. The car was the only possession that kept her going during that long, dry late Spring and early Summer. Chriss drove her car with the roof down, feeling the wind in her face and hair, almost touching the energy around her - it made her feel good, as if she was part of some other world. She deserved the car and worked long and hard to possess such a beautiful motor and besides, she needed it to help her through those difficult and stressful days.
This particular morning, there were road works holding up traffic for miles ahead causing a long jam of slow moving vehicles along the busy A road. It was hot and she felt stressed. She reached for her mobile phone and phoned the staff at the school ‘I’m going to be late’ she stated, ‘perhaps an hour’. The member of staff at the other end of the phone did not seem pleased, but there was nothing they could do, but wait to see how much longer it would take to travel the 3 miles to school - perhaps 30 minutes, perhaps 60.
As the traffic slowed to a standstill, the sun beaming on her face, her mind raced back to the weeks before.
She was feeling agitated, irritable and unhappy - as if something needed to happen in her stress packed life.
Chriss felt that she gives too much to other people, she is always giving and never gets back in return. This state of affairs draws out the confidence and energy inside and eventually you just want to run away, to hide away and not to face the day nor the future. This is how she felt. Now she was stuck in this damn traffic jam and wondered to herself, ‘what am I doing here’.
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Peter and Chriss had been married for many years and life was never easy for them. They owned a small house in Surrey and had managed to keep at tremendous personal cost their three children at private school. This was the ‘done’ thing in Surrey many had their children in private schools at huge costs to themselves…it was not the time for paying into an educational insurance scheme and nursery education was not paid for by the government. Every penny had to be found and following the 3rd birthday of her third child, Chriss decided to look for some work which would fit into her pattern of life with the children.
Eventually she decided to train as a Montessori Teacher as she really enjoyed the wonderful holistic approach to education this method offered and remembered with affection the wonderful Montessori School in Devon, where they had placed their first son. The staff were kind and supportive and very obviously dedicated to their style of teaching and it suited George so well. Chriss remembered the beautiful Wisteria climbing on the porch way of the house which had been converted in the Montessori School. The Wisteria was pinky purple in colour and grew with such perfusion that the whole porch balustrade and roof was covered with this beautiful flowering plant. Often the children would stand with their mothers as they walked up the drive and point to and admire the plant. It was the hardest thing in the world to give away your first born to someone you did not know, but Chriss had done it with trust in her heart and although it was hurtful, she felt that she could leave him in safety and love and professional care. George had been happy there and really had progressed so well.
After one year, they had to move away, back into Surrey again, which they felt was their home. It was however the time of the 1990 recession and Peter and Chriss had lost all their money in their home in an effort to sell the house as quickly as they could. It had taken 3 months to find a serious buyer for the house after several people put in offers and were asking for everything they could think of, the bed, the washing machine, the swing seat in the garden. The serious buyers were anxious to move and did not show any interest in the extra pieces of furniture - they simply wanted to move.
Maria at that time was just 4 weeks old. She had been born in Devon, as was her brother, William a few years previously. So to sell up and move out quickly, they had to agree to a 6 weeks completion.
Eventually the day arrived, the family moved out, put the furniture into storage for a week or so and moved into the local Hotel. It was a new Hotel, Chriss remembered watching it being built and it was very popular with the local white collar workers, the suit wearers along the street running behind it.
Peter and Chriss and the family with Maria only 4 weeks old, moved into the Hotel for 1 week, before leaving for Surrey. Peter was working in his office in the road running behind the Hotel, he was not very far away. The family huddled in the hotel room, time spent playing with the children and trying to keep them amused as well as making sure that Maria’s feeding times occurred regularly was quite an achievement in Chriss’ eyes. Previously the family had spent a weekend in Surrey trying desperately to search for a house in which they could live. It was not easy as most of the houses were too expensive and eventually Peter’s boss had agreed to help with a rented house, whilst the family took their time to find something suitable.
One day, at the Hotel, with Peter at work in his office and Chriss on her own with the family the fire alarm started. Initially Chriss was going to ignore it, however, when she had looked out of the hotel room window to her surprise she saw staff and residents standing in the courtyard and she began to panic. Maria was asleep and she had just finished bathing the two boys, fortunately she was dressed herself. She picked up the phone in the room and spoke to reception. ‘There’s a fire in the kitchen, get out quick’ she was told and the person at the other end of the phone, promptly put the phone down.
‘Oh my god’ Chriss said. She grabbed the two boys quickly and gently lifted Maria from the bed,
‘Come on you two, we have to go’ she said. Inside her heart there was sheer panic, but she could not show the boys how frightened she really was. She carefully opened the door to the room and walked down the corridor towards the exit sign at the other end of the hallway. Making sure she still had the boys with her, and carrying Maria in her arms she struggled calmly with her family in tow down the stairs and out through the door to the outside. As she walked outside, it was as if nothing had happened, no one looked at her, no one offered her any help with the children, there was no smoke oozing out of the building anywhere and then as quickly as it had all started, it had finished. People started to walk back into the building again chatting gaily to each other, as if this was an everyday occurrence. Chriss was horrified. What if there had been a real fire? Would anyone have really helped her? Would she have suffocated in smoke with her three children first? She felt shocked and appalled at the way she had been treated and the way she had been ignored.
Not wanting to return to the hotel, she decided to walk the quick 5 minute walk to Peter’s office. She could feel herself shaking with fright - a kind of after shock reaction, she thought. When she arrived at the office, Peter was not there and Chriss felt so disappointed. She then left the office and walked a few doors up to some friends of Peter’s who had an office in the building there. Thankfully they were both there and she was promptly given a cup of tea and they waited for Peter’s arrival.
It was a tough day, but things were to get much more tough for the family in years to come.
Work at the school had become extremely tiring and stressful and Chriss was feeling the strain enormously.
Each day was just another day, nothing new and nothing to look forward to. On occasions it was taking one whole hour to simply travel in the car the crowded, noisy, stressful, hot and humid 3 miles to the school. She had recently purchased the one and only car she had ever purchased in her life and was deeply in love with the machine. The car was the only possession that kept her going during that long, dry late Spring and early Summer. Chriss drove her car with the roof down, feeling the wind in her face and hair, almost touching the energy around her - it made her feel good, as if she was part of some other world. She deserved the car and worked long and hard to possess such a beautiful motor and besides, she needed it to help her through those difficult and stressful days.
This particular morning, there were road works holding up traffic for miles ahead causing a long jam of slow moving vehicles along the busy A road. It was hot and she felt stressed. She reached for her mobile phone and phoned the staff at the school ‘I’m going to be late’ she stated, ‘perhaps an hour’. The member of staff at the other end of the phone did not seem pleased, but there was nothing they could do, but wait to see how much longer it would take to travel the 3 miles to school - perhaps 30 minutes, perhaps 60.
As the traffic slowed to a standstill, the sun beaming on her face, her mind raced back to the weeks before.
She was feeling agitated, irritable and unhappy - as if something needed to happen in her stress packed life.
Chriss felt that she gives too much to other people, she is always giving and never gets back in return. This state of affairs draws out the confidence and energy inside and eventually you just want to run away, to hide away and not to face the day nor the future. This is how she felt. Now she was stuck in this damn traffic jam and wondered to herself, ‘what am I doing here’.
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Peter and Chriss had been married for many years and life was never easy for them. They owned a small house in Surrey and had managed to keep at tremendous personal cost their three children at private school. This was the ‘done’ thing in Surrey many had their children in private schools at huge costs to themselves…it was not the time for paying into an educational insurance scheme and nursery education was not paid for by the government. Every penny had to be found and following the 3rd birthday of her third child, Chriss decided to look for some work which would fit into her pattern of life with the children.
Eventually she decided to train as a Montessori Teacher as she really enjoyed the wonderful holistic approach to education this method offered and remembered with affection the wonderful Montessori School in Devon, where they had placed their first son. The staff were kind and supportive and very obviously dedicated to their style of teaching and it suited George so well. Chriss remembered the beautiful Wisteria climbing on the porch way of the house which had been converted in the Montessori School. The Wisteria was pinky purple in colour and grew with such perfusion that the whole porch balustrade and roof was covered with this beautiful flowering plant. Often the children would stand with their mothers as they walked up the drive and point to and admire the plant. It was the hardest thing in the world to give away your first born to someone you did not know, but Chriss had done it with trust in her heart and although it was hurtful, she felt that she could leave him in safety and love and professional care. George had been happy there and really had progressed so well.
After one year, they had to move away, back into Surrey again, which they felt was their home. It was however the time of the 1990 recession and Peter and Chriss had lost all their money in their home in an effort to sell the house as quickly as they could. It had taken 3 months to find a serious buyer for the house after several people put in offers and were asking for everything they could think of, the bed, the washing machine, the swing seat in the garden. The serious buyers were anxious to move and did not show any interest in the extra pieces of furniture - they simply wanted to move.
Maria at that time was just 4 weeks old. She had been born in Devon, as was her brother, William a few years previously. So to sell up and move out quickly, they had to agree to a 6 weeks completion.
Eventually the day arrived, the family moved out, put the furniture into storage for a week or so and moved into the local Hotel. It was a new Hotel, Chriss remembered watching it being built and it was very popular with the local white collar workers, the suit wearers along the street running behind it.
Peter and Chriss and the family with Maria only 4 weeks old, moved into the Hotel for 1 week, before leaving for Surrey. Peter was working in his office in the road running behind the Hotel, he was not very far away. The family huddled in the hotel room, time spent playing with the children and trying to keep them amused as well as making sure that Maria’s feeding times occurred regularly was quite an achievement in Chriss’ eyes. Previously the family had spent a weekend in Surrey trying desperately to search for a house in which they could live. It was not easy as most of the houses were too expensive and eventually Peter’s boss had agreed to help with a rented house, whilst the family took their time to find something suitable.
One day, at the Hotel, with Peter at work in his office and Chriss on her own with the family the fire alarm started. Initially Chriss was going to ignore it, however, when she had looked out of the hotel room window to her surprise she saw staff and residents standing in the courtyard and she began to panic. Maria was asleep and she had just finished bathing the two boys, fortunately she was dressed herself. She picked up the phone in the room and spoke to reception. ‘There’s a fire in the kitchen, get out quick’ she was told and the person at the other end of the phone, promptly put the phone down.
‘Oh my god’ Chriss said. She grabbed the two boys quickly and gently lifted Maria from the bed,
‘Come on you two, we have to go’ she said. Inside her heart there was sheer panic, but she could not show the boys how frightened she really was. She carefully opened the door to the room and walked down the corridor towards the exit sign at the other end of the hallway. Making sure she still had the boys with her, and carrying Maria in her arms she struggled calmly with her family in tow down the stairs and out through the door to the outside. As she walked outside, it was as if nothing had happened, no one looked at her, no one offered her any help with the children, there was no smoke oozing out of the building anywhere and then as quickly as it had all started, it had finished. People started to walk back into the building again chatting gaily to each other, as if this was an everyday occurrence. Chriss was horrified. What if there had been a real fire? Would anyone have really helped her? Would she have suffocated in smoke with her three children first? She felt shocked and appalled at the way she had been treated and the way she had been ignored.
Not wanting to return to the hotel, she decided to walk the quick 5 minute walk to Peter’s office. She could feel herself shaking with fright - a kind of after shock reaction, she thought. When she arrived at the office, Peter was not there and Chriss felt so disappointed. She then left the office and walked a few doors up to some friends of Peter’s who had an office in the building there. Thankfully they were both there and she was promptly given a cup of tea and they waited for Peter’s arrival.
It was a tough day, but things were to get much more tough for the family in years to come.
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