Time to GO!

The stress and anxiety caused by the stress, putting aside the depression and the fatigue, finally prompted Chriss to ask for help. In the nearby run down market town, Chriss found a hypnotherapist who was not particularly good, as it turned out Chriss was not hypnotisable, but at least she listned and treated Chriss as a fellow human being someone with a soul!
Chriss visited the hypnotherapist a number of times, but found the treatment difficult to get into as she was only able to listen to the tapes she was given whilst driving to and from the nursery.

She would often quote certain things to herself to boost her confidence during the day and to help her believe in herself once more, but eventually events got the better of her attempts to improve her life at the nursery and things became worse, much, much worse.

Chriss drove a Mazda, a lovely red sporty car with a roof that rolled back and down. This was a car hard won, the first and only car she had ever bought for herself and a car that cost her much energy and hard work. Chriss loved this car, it was more than a car, it was personal to her, every little nook and cranny was lovingly cared for in the car and the car had wonderful memories for her.....driving down sunny, Surrey lanes the sun beaming on her head and face and her favourite music blaring out. It was like a huge motorised bicycle with music....one could touch the energy as one was driving down the country lanes.

This particular morning Chriss was in a rush....she had to get to the nursery fast, she had got up late, she was tired already before she started and woke up with heavy eyes and head. This is how she felt most days now and Peter was concerned about her. She was finding it more and more difficult to get off to sleep at night - her heavy head always buzzing and thinking of other things.

She started up the car, put it in reverse and 'SMASH', she flew into the front of the heavy, rusty metal skip which in her hurry, she did not see. She stopped, turned off the engine and sobbed.
'Oh my god'. Getting out of the car she viewed the damage and what damage!
'We will have to send it to be repaired' Peter told her, with a cuddle.
'Oh my god' Chriss replied, her head in her hands
She had spoiled the one thing she was so proud of, the one thing she had purchased by herself after working so hard and she felt devastated. 'How can I feel this about a car?' she told herself,
Chriss understood what was happening...she felt as if her whole life was being wrecked by nasty, rusty old people and there was a panic inside of her and a feeling of despair and desperation.

'I don't want to go anymore' she commented to Peter.
'I know' he replied

The day before, was the session with Tracy's father which was far from pleasant and yet another reason for Ofsted to come down and to put her through the questioning procedure. Two Ofsted ladies came as if she was going to put up a fight and she felt overwhelmed by them. The power behind Ofsted was enormous, but she was determined not to let it affect her and she was not going to be frightened by their reactions.

Tracy's father was another shouter, another pointer another nasty piece of work. He accused Chriss of 'doing things behind closed doors' with a wagging finger in her face.
'What are you talking about' Chriss asked politely.
'I know what goes on here, I've seen that BBC programme!' he added.
'I don't take any notice of television anymore, I know my nursery and I know how to run it' Chriss replied.
'I know what is going on here and I am reporting you' he shouted wagging his finger again.
Chriss looked at the finger, 'whats with the wagging?' she thought to herself quietly.
The man rose from his seat and stormed out of the door and Chriss sat there for a moment thinking. 'What am I doing here?' she asked herself. It was all too much!

The Ofsted Inspectors, two of them as usual, arrived a few days later.
'We've had several complaints' they told Chriss.

Whilst asking questions about the mice infestation and the event with the Montessori Teacher and the fact that the staff were extremely unhappy according to a number of mothers and the fact that Montessori methods were taught and parents didn't agree with it....one of the Inspectors walked towards the staff in the room next door and started to chat with them.
'Excuse me, what are you doing?' Chriss rose from her seat. 'these are my staff, I hire them and I look after them, what do you think you are doing without my permission too?'
The Inspector looked at Chriss disrespectfully and answered 'I am talking to your staff, do you mind?'.
'Well, yes I do' Chriss said
'Well I am allowed to unless you have something to hide' the Inspector replied.

Well, the Inspectors were there for over 4 hours and spent most of the time talking to the staff whilst Chriss struggled to look after the children alone. She could not believe the irony of it....if Ofsted were notified by a parent that Chriss was alone looking after 2 babies and 15 children on her own she would have been in deep trouble - and yet here she was in her nursery which she had purchased with hard earned money - with two Ofsted Inspectors chatting with her staff who were at that time being paid to do nothing and she was expected to look after the children alone. She was furious!

Enough was enough and after the Inspectors had left, with a warning that they wished to see Chriss privately next Saturday morning at 10.0am at the nursery and that she had better be there - she felt she did not wish to continue any further with the nursery. Enough was enough and it was time to stand up to these awful Inspectors, the parents and the ex-owner (another story) and simply drop everything and go!

Chriss did not go to the interview and she refused to contact Ofsted to explain why. Chriss did not talk with the staff about her thoughts and feelings and she did not speak with the parents.
The last day was like any other day and she was ready to give back what was fed to her through the year of nursery hell.

A few days after the nursery was closed Chriss had a phone call from a friend.
'Quick Chriss, you must get to the nursery now, the staff are stealing everything!'
Chriss and Peter rushed in the car, but it was too late. The staff (a small number of them) had stolen the new dishwasher, the scanner, photocopier and printer. Several pieces of furniture were missing and even the children's fish in their fish bowls (cold water fish with filtration systems) had vanished. Chriss never really understood the reason certain members of staff would literally hire a van and steal from her. She had given them so much and had been so kind to them, but in Norfolk people do strange things if they do not accept you.

It did not matter anymore, the nursery was closed, the doors no longer open, everything Chriss had worked hard for was gone, but it was her decision and she felt she had made the right decision.

'Did you know' Chriss commented to Peter as they stood in the barns that were the nursery
'Did you know they threatened me, they tried to take away my dignity and my confidence and thank god I didn't let them' Chriss added.
She had only 2 weeks ago taken a drive down to a Montessori school which was closing in a little village about 15 miles away and had met the head teacher there who was trying to sell her Montessori equipment. She was invited by Elsie to go and see this lovely lady who must have been in her late 50's. This teacher spent many years reading to the children in her care from an old children's book that belonged to her grandmother, and the children loved the book and they loved its history and its worn out pages and its dated black and white pictures. It was read with love and respect each day to the children and it was a wonderful thing for the teacher to experience and to pass on ... a story that her grandmother had read to her many times.

She showed Chriss the book, Chriss took it carefully in her hands and felt the wonderful energy eminating from this much loved book. No wonder the children loved it so much, they feel this kind of thing.

'Ofsted ordered me to stop reading the book' the head teacher told Chriss, with a sadness in her eyes.

'Why?' Chriss asked.

'Because it is too dated and dirty' she replied.
'I love this book, it will always be with me, and the children loved it too'
'Oh so sad' the teacher said shaking her head.

Chriss held her arm, 'I know what you have been through, I am going through the same thing' she added reassuringly. 'I think it is a wonderful book, and I know my children would love this'.
Chriss handed the book carefully back to this mature and experienced teacher and Chriss felt a loving respect for such a woman who had done such great work for 25 years a Montessorian indeed.

After Chriss had said goodbye and with a heavy heart drove along the sunny lanes to home, she said to herself 'where is the respect in this world now, the honouring of those who have dedicated themselves to such hard and rewarding work, and what right do these people have to take that away?'

She was drawing closer to the thought of going even more, as she felt her work was done and she did not wish to be so appallingly treated by these dishonourable dictators of fashion. Ofsted and Playgroups were in fashion now and they did not like or accept other methods of early education.

Sadly this story is not a lone story, it is a story amongst other stories, making one big story, the loss of freedom of teaching and the disrespect of a highly respectable method of teaching and its dedicated teachers in this country. Many small and privately owned schools have since closed through this degradation process and have since been rapidly replaced by their 'centres of excellence' as they have been called, with all power and money behind them and all the benefits this brings.

Oh so sad, that children no longer have the opportunity to learn holistically and to learn to care for each other and their environment and are no longer able to experience the feeling of work well done of self respect for themselves and each other.
Chriss knew she was just another name on their list of the undesirables.

Soon after the non attendance at this so called interview on the Saturday morning, Ofsted withdrew Chriss's registration. She could have fought for it, but she was tired and had no more fight in her.

Then, the poison letters started to arrive....

The Nursery

Chriss turned around as she felt an abrupt prod on her left shoulder which jolted her into a horrid sense of foreboding. She just felt that somehow what was to follow was not going to be easy and she felt nervous and agitated all over again.

She had been enjoying the morning so far, with the children and also the staff, as they all worked so well as a team. The jolt came from behind her as she was finishing her regular morning chat with the staff in the 'baby's room'. The look on the faces in front of her told her something horrid was about to happen and they turned away in an attempt to ignore the huge negative person standing behind her. 'Oh god!' Chriss mumbled to herself.

She turned her head slowly and attempted to put a brave smile across her face which did not appear to be able to reach her eyes, and deep inside she felt bad, really bad and scared too.

'Oh hello Mrs Tanner' Chriss said with her smile.

'I wanna talk to ya nour!' Mrs Tanner replied in her awful brusque 'norfolk' accent. She was a farmer's wife and very wealthy (as incidentally a lot of norfolk farmer's are) although they will tell you if you know nothing about farming, that they have a really tough time. This negative bully was a tough boot and a member of the group of parents who spent their time gossiping and avoiding eye contact with people they did not like or accept. Here in Norfolk, you were not just not accepted, you were not part of the league - you were disliked immediately if you were new and especially if you came from the 'so called' affluent south.

The woman started shouting at Chriss, for no apparant reason as far as Chriss was concerned, so Chriss gently ushered her toward the wooden stairs that lead to a room which she knew was empty.
'Let's talk upstairs' Chriss said and walked in front of the woman, leading the way.

To this day, even now, Chriss cannot remember the exact details of what was said and why, as the only really vivid memory of this occasion (which so many teachers face these days), was of a nasty excuse for a human being, violently wagging her finger an inch in front of Chriss's face -
her aggressive wide face right in front of Chriss's and screaming at the top of her voice (Chriss could feel the breeze from her breath flicking at her fringe),
'You liar! You are a liar! You bloody liar! and so on.

Chriss tried to calm her down gently reassuring her and telling her that she was not a liar and she did not understand what she was talking about. 'You said that you were going to talk to everyone and introduce yourself when you first came here' the woman was adding now.
My husband and I were appalled because you didn't come up to talk to us!'.
'Well I distinctly remember coming over to say 'hello' and shake hands with you both.
'You liar!' Mrs Tanner screamed again at Chriss's face. 'You didn't even bother'
'Well, I don't want to argue about this Mrs Tanner, and you have accused me of other things which are untrue, I suggest we finish talking to each other now, and your son is ready to be collected' Chriss answered, she could now feel the warmth in her face as she was trying not to become angry with this awful woman. 'We all know how you lie and how you run this place for your own benefit' Mrs Tanner screamed again this time almost pushing Chris over as her face was now within the safety limits of Chriss's face.
'I think this is enough!' Chriss answered.
'This school is my business and I make the decisions here' Chriss explained. The woman however was not allowing her to speak, she interrupted incessantly and abruptly by shouting over Chriss's calm voice.

Chriss could feel herself becoming very nervous and anxious and it was beginning to show in her voice as she felt a lump in her throat which resulted in an unnerving shake in her voice as she tried to answer the woman. She thought this parent was actually going to beat her physically as well as mentally and emotionally with all her vocal abuse and angry shouting.

As Chriss went to open the door, she heard a little voice at the bottom of the stairs saying,
'Why is mummy shouting at Chriss?' A member of staff knelt down beside him and said softly, 'Mummy is just angry, Chriss is ok, don't worry'. The little boy was worried and didn't like his teacher being shouted at by his mummy who was always so angry at home.

'I suggest you go, I think you have said enough!' Chriss answered professionally and jestered towards the door. The little boy came running upstairs,
'Mummy why are you shouting at my teacher, I don't like you shouting'. His mother grabbed him roughly by the hand, and said 'Come on, we are going now and I am not shouting'.
The little boy followed reluctantly as his mother dragged him along, jolting him forward every now and then. Craig, the little boy, just looked anxiously at Chriss but Chriss smiled,
'See you tomorrow Craig'. Craig waved as he was jolted out of the door.
'You haven't heard the last!' the mother managed to squeeze in before she slammed the door behind her. Chriss knew the child would not be back (this had become a regular pattern now).

'What does she mean?' the staff were asking Chriss now.
'Oh' said Chriss 'another Ofsted visit of course!'. She was used to the Ofsted inspectors turning up at the nursery out of the blue, ready to ask questions of her, like the Spanish Inquisition.

Kitty came up to Chriss, 'Are you alright Chriss, we were worried and were about to come in and help you'. Chriss looked through glassy eyes at her deputy manager,
'I'm ok, I just need to go out for a bit'.

Chriss walked out of the Barns, the wind was blowing, the day was over, the staff about to go home and Peter was due to arrive any moment now. Her head was heavy with negative thoughts and feeling and the awful feeling emerged like a tired 'jack in the box' ready to take grip again, the feeling that just would not go away.

'I don't know how much more of this I can take' Chriss said to herself as the tears dripped slowly down her cheek. She wiped them away quickly and inside she knew she was beginning to break apart but she had to be strong and show defiance against these nasty, agressive and negative people. It was not the first time, nor, she knew, would it be the last. They were coming in thick and fast and she felt she had a real battle on her hands. How she kept her head above the water in the last months of nursery hell, she did not know, but she did and that was what made her feel stronger.

A new young girl, who seemed so sweet natured, had joined Chriss's team....Tracy....she was only 17 years old, a lovely quiet girl who was training for her NVQ (national vocational qualification) in childcare and needed to work at a placement facility for her practical training.

Tracy was given over to Elsie, so that she could help her with her rather large group of children, one of two of whom were quite badly behaved. Elsie was a promising Montessori Teacher and was well trained and experienced. Chriss felt she could place the younger Montessori group with Elsie, who enjoyed the challenge and the fact that she had her own group of children.

One day, Tracy left early, without asking permission and Chriss wondered where she had gone. It was only midday and Elsie needed help.

'I don't know where she is' Elsie replied 'She had been looking rather sad this morning'

Chriss decided to ask the staff in the baby room. They were gossips and spent most of their time eating the baby lunches if the babies didn't require anymore, sitting on the floor and enjoying doing nothing when the babies were asleep. Chriss felt rather resentful towards them as they were paid well, refused to help any other members of staff if they needed help and were hopeless at cleaning and sterilising the baby units and hoovering the floor and....and... well many is the time Chriss had to finish off their cleaning for them after everyone had gone home (on the dot) of course.

Susan called Chriss over to one side. 'Tracy isn't coming back' she whispered.
'What do you mean, she isn't coming back' Chriss asked with a slightly raised voice.
'There is trouble with Elsie' answered Susan
'Oh no, what is it now?' Chriss asked.
'Well Elsie apparantly got hold of Tyler and pulled his arm and told him off' Susan answered.
'Tracy was in tears and didn't like what she saw, so she went home'.

Chriss knew more trouble was about to start and she was beginning to hate the place, she drew in a deep breath and prepared for the worse. She felt tired and drained.

That afternoon, a rather angry father arrived at the nursery, demanding to speak with Chriss.
'I wanna speak with the owner' he splurted 'I'm Tracy's dad!'

Susan came into Chriss's buzzing, peaceful class of children, all busying themselves before their parents arrived to collect them and Kitty had just called out 'Circle time' when Susan burst through the door.

'Chriss, Tracy's dad is here and he is cross and he is asking for you!'
Kitty and Chriss looked at each other 'Kitty, I'll be back, keep going for me' Chriss had said.

With now, a pounding heart and what had become by now a regular fluttering in her chest, Chriss approached the father.

'Can I help you, I'm the head teacher here' Chriss smiled

'I wanna private talk about Tracy' the gruff man said.

'Let's go upstairs' Chriss answered. 'Oh god, here we go again' rang in her weary, aching head.